


The Rebound

by kissmelikeapirate



Category: New Girl
Genre: Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 12:54:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissmelikeapirate/pseuds/kissmelikeapirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They've both just gone through messy break ups so Nick and Jess decide to be each others rebound. Based on the original pilot script.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rebound

 

* * *

**How it all got started**

* * *

**Based on the original script of Chicks and Dicks and an idea by Talulah 9988 on Tumblr.**

Sitting at the bar, Jessica was feasting on a meal of chicken wings and rose wine. Recently single, her new roommate Schmidt had decided that the only way for her to move one was to find a rebound and tonight she was trying to find just that. So far this evening her attempts at finding a suitable guy, any guy actually, were not exactly going well. She had however learned that 'hello sailor' is not the best pick up line, so it wasn't a total loss. As she crunched through a stick of celery, a tall smartly dressed guy appeared beside her at the bar. Putting down the vegetable, she turned to him with a huge smile and said, "Hi."

The guy looked at Jess, slightly dishevelled with her wild hair and thick black glasses and said, "I have a girlfriend," before turning away and moving 6 feet further down the bar. Jess sighed deeply at Nick, who was polishing glasses.

"Wow. I just said hi. I can't hide my crazy," she said as she began to tear into another chicken wing.

"Where would you hide it? One more pink wine?" he asked, picking up her empty glass. She nodded and continued to chew thoughtfully.

"Maybe you should be my rebound. You know? Just get it over with. Get all that sexual tension off the table," she raised her eyebrows and began to lick her fingers, removing the spicy wing sauce residue that coated them.

"Okay, sure," he replied as he placed another glass of cool wine in front of her. Jessica coughed, choking slightly on the peppery dressing.

"Wait, seriously?" she tilted her head to one side and waited for his response.

"Yeah, I mean it's inevitable right? Three guys, one girl – something's gotta happen sooner or later." He rested his hands on the edge of the bar and looked at her seriously.

"I guess…" she said uncertainly.

"We could just deal with all that straight away. Take that out of the equation. I mean, soon enough you'll realise I'm emotionally stunted and immature. This way I can make a good first impression."

"You're awfully confident Miller," Jess replied, still not believing the conversation they were having.

"So I appear, but I am not," he said simply, before continuing to polish the glasses. Jess considered the proposal. She needed something to help her move on. Nick was cute, she knew he wasn't a serial killer or anything (or at least she hoped). They were friends (sorta). But would it be weird sleeping with a roommate?

"Wouldn't it like make things weird in the loft? I mean, Schmidt and Coach, what would they think?" she asked as she poured a mouth full of sweet wine into her mouth and swilled it around her tongue, tasting the hint of peach it held.

"We're both adults. I don't see what it has to with them," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. Jess sat back in her stool and straightened her back.

"Alright, why the hell not. You're gonna be my rebound guy." She said, almost trying to convince herself before she began to get carried away and started speaking in a low voice, "My sexual conquest. I'm gonna use you like a paper towel. You're gonna-"

"Jess, stop before I change my mind and forget this conversation ever happened," she immediately filled her mouth with more wine and gulped it down to stop herself talking.

"So…" she wasn't quite sure what to say next.

"Tonight? I finish at 11," he suggested.

"Tonight?" she said a little too highly before recovering herself and trying a deeper, sexier voice, "Tonight. Sure. Your place or mine?" trying to seductively raise her glass but taking a sip too quickly, causing her to immediately start to choke a little on the pink liquid. Nick leant forward and tapped her on the back until she stopped coughing. She noticed for the first time how good he smelled. Damn good.

"I'll meet you at the loft. 11.30," he finished with the last glass and placed it down, waiting for her response.

"Okay," she said, nodding her head, "Okay." Nick smiled and walked away to serve another customer. What the hell, Jessica thought. Is this really happening?

* * *

As Nick walked over to serve a middle aged guy in a football jersey and a baseball cap, he reviewed the conversation he had just had. As he poured a glass of cool, amber beer he mulled over her words. She had propositioned him. Half seriously. Then, in an out of body experience, he had watched himself flirt back and turn the heat on the conversation up by about 100 degrees.  _Did that really happen_ , he thought. She wasn't serious, surely. Only one way to find out…

* * *

It was 11.35. Jessica sat on the worn, brown leather sofa and waited nervously. She tapped her foot. She played with her hair. She mindlessly flicked through the channels on TV. But all the time her mind was on the events of earlier that evening. Still she couldn't be sure if he meant what he said. Nick was hard to read. He seemed to want to appear serious, the straight guy. But she saw a hint of humor and crazy hiding under the surface.

She looked at her watch. 11.36.  _Where was he?_  She sighed, clearly he didn't mean what he had said. He was joking. Her heart began to beat a little faster as her anxiety rose. This was a dumb idea. Since moving into the loft she had not thought of him… sexually. Jessica liked to compartmentalise her relationships – friends in one box, boyfriends in a separate one. When you went in one box, it was hard to jump into the other. And in any case – what box would this put Nick in? Feeling antsy, she flicked off the TV and hopped up, walking over to the kitchen in her stockinged feet. Opening the refrigerator she selected a bottle of beer and twisted open the top, resting her arm on the door as she poured a generous amount of the cool, bubbly contents down her throat. Immediately she felt the waves of relaxation flood through her body, as her racing heart began to slow.

Suddenly, she heard the heavy, metal door of the loft bang shut. Reaching onto her tiptoes, she peeked over the refrigerator door, only to see Nick appear in the living room. His back was turned away from her and she immediately ducked back down.  _Crap, he's back_ , she thought. She heard the clip of shoes walking across the wooden floor of the loft before they stopped a foot away and Nick's face appeared at the side of the door. "Whatya doing Jess?" he asked.

She looked up from her crouched position and drank another sip of beer, "I, er, was little hot. I was trying to cool down."

"You could have just opened a window…" he pointed out, as she stood to her feet.

"Oh, yeah, that would have made more sense," she reached inside the cooler and pulled out another bottle of beer before offering it to Nick, "Beer?" she asked. He responded by taking it and quickly opening it, tossing the cap in the trash can. Jess closed the door and lay back against it, one arm behind her, and the other pouring small mouthfuls of frothy beer into her mouth. The silence mounted between them as they each watched each other drink.

Nick stood with his arm resting on the kitchen island. His green and blue flannel shirt was half untucked and partially undone; she could make out a little chest hair underneath. His hair was a little messy and his tanned face was covered in a generous layer of dark stubble. Her stomach jumped a little. She had to admit he was a little hot.

Drinking the beer Jessica had handed to him, Nick was lost deep in thought. _So she was here. Did that mean this was still on?_ As she lay against the cooler door, he watched her tilt back her head and take small sips of beer, this caused her chest to push out a little, emphasising her breasts. He swallowed quickly and moved his gaze. The short skirt she was wearing showed off a lot of leg. A lot. Inches of black stocking covered legs, stockings he would like to removes…with his teeth.

"Soo…." She finally said finally breaking the silence, "We're really doing this?"

He began to peel the paper label from his bottle of Heisler as he responded, "I guess we are." Another moments silence passed.

"Soo…  _How_  do we do this then?" she asked, letting her bottle holding hand fall to her side.

"I guess we should kiss?" he suggested, twisting his face.

"Yeah, that's a good idea."

Nick placed his bottle of beer on the counter surface and took a step so he was within inches of her face; taking it in his hands. Staring into her eyes, he suddenly asked, "Are you a tonguer?"

"What?"

"I mean, I don't want to put my tongue in your mouth if you don't like it." She took a second to process this. No guy had asked her that question before.

"Yes, I am a tonguer, tongue away."

Silently, they both began to lean towards each, eyes closed until suddenly, their foreheads clashed against each other.

"Oww," Jess cried pulling back and holding her injury.

"Oh God, I'm sorry Jess, " Nick said, worried.

"It's okay," she said, shaking her head and sighing "Let's try that again shall we."

This time, Jessica reached up and pulled his neck towards her, tilting her head to meet his face. They started cautiously; small, exploratory kisses. His lips were surprisingly soft and his kisses not what she expected – tender and knowledgeable. She felt his arm gently slide around her waist as she dropped her almost finished beer and reached up her other hand, wrapping her arms around his neck. The kiss intensified, testingly, he eased his tongue, cool from the beer, into her warm mouth. She responded in kind, pulling herself up onto her toes and wrapping her own arms more tightly around his neck.

Quickly, his other arm snaked up her back, pushing her chest closer to his and causing her to gasp a little in surprise. She could feel her breath becoming more ragged and his heart thumping loudly. Without missing a beat, he lifted her up onto the counter top. Moving closer to her, he began to lay a trail of kisses down her neck. She moved her legs apart, so he could get closer and her fingers twisted into his hair; raking her hands though, balling her fists in his thick dark mop.

The hot kisses that trailed her neck and chest caused little flutters of desire to rise in Jessica.  _This was really happening._  The scraping of his stubble against her soft skin was in equal parts uncomfortable and electrifying. It was happening so fast, but she wasn't going to stop it…

As he returned his lips to hers, waves of pleasure rippled through him as her soft mouth pressed against his. One arm was tightly wrapped around her tiny waist as her legs had begun to encircle him and pull him closer. His other hand was entangled in her thick hair, drawing her into him. Finally they drew apart and locked eyes.

"That was…" he began.

"Yeah…" she replied.

"Shall we…?" he asked, gesturing in the direction of the loft's bedrooms.

"Yeah...," she replied, nodding and sliding quickly off the counter top before pulling him back into the kiss.

They moved slowly across the living area of the loft – their kisses hampering their movement - until they reached the hallway that separated the two bedrooms. They paused.

"Umm…"Jessica began, her eyes flitting between the two doors. Without thinking, Nick suddenly scooped her up and turned the handle of his door, pushing it open and moving inside with her wrapped in his arms.

Inside the darkened room, Nick moved slowly towards the bed before setting Jessica down it's edge and sitting beside her. Jessica felt the urge to speak.

"Nick, I don't normally do things like this. Okay, I never do things like this…"

"Me either."

"Really?" she asked unbelievingly.

"Yeah, well not since college. Since Caroline."

"Oh," she said, "Well I guess that makes us equal then."

"I guess," he said before leaning back into her.

As their kiss resumed she began so undo the small buttons of his shirt, pushing it over his shoulders and allowing her hands to run down the warm skin of his arms and then over his back. His own fingers pulled her shirt out of her waist band, his hands slipping underneath the black material and sliding up her back, over the clasp of her bra, before he pulled it over her head.

Lost in the moment, Jessica stood up and unzipped her skirt, letting it fall to the floor and kicking it to one side. He moved forward and placed his fingers under the band of her black, opaque tights, sliding them to the floor, taking in the feel of her legs as he did.

She stood before him, just in her underwear, feeling the tension between them. She tried to break it saying, "Well their goes our friendship."

"Ah, we weren't that close yet anyway," he replied, pulling her onto his lap.

The next few minutes were a blur as their pace quickened. The remaining garments they wore quickly found their way to different parts of the room, as they moved speedily, not wanting to waste any time.

Soon, they were both free of clothes and wrapped against each other. She became more and more pent up at the feel of kisses and hands covered her body, her breasts, her face…The hardness of his erection pressing against her stomach and thighs, teasing her…

"Damn it Nick, if we're doing this, let's do it," she said breathlessly, he paused and looked up at her.

Without speaking, he reached over her to his nightstand, grabbing a condom and roughly kissing her face as he moved back to put it on. As she waited she tapped her foot anxiously,  _God, this was really happening…_

Suddenly he lifted her, pushing her up the bed, causing her to let out a small scream as he settled himself between her legs. She didn't have a moment to think before he slid one arm under her waist and began to move himself inside her.

Nick's mind hadn't worked properly since he had started kissing Jess in the kitchen –he'd worked purely on instinct. As he felt the pressure of her soft warmth he began to lose control. He had not expected this to happen. Jess was this crazy girl who cried and watched bad 80's movies… Or so he thought. This Jess was different, incredibly different. Sexy, amazingly sexy.

Jess began to let out ragged gasps as Nick began to thrust rhythmically into her, their bodies rocking against each other.  _Who was this guy_ , she thought. This wasn't the Nick who she thought she knew… He was different.

Soon, their pace quickened and Jess let him control their movements, leading them quicker and faster until he suddenly rolled over onto his back and grasping Jessica's knees he pulled her onto his lap. She began to rock and circle her hips, quicker and quicker until she felt the stirring in the pit of her stomach rise to an uncontrollable level.

"Oh, God, oh God, oh God!" she screamed, reaching forward and grabbing his chest as her body stiffened. Her pleasure instantly increased his and his arms quickly wrapped around her, pulling her close as pure bliss flooded through him.

Finally, Jess moved over so she lay back on the bed beside Nick, unable to speak. Finally, she spoke.

"So…."

"So…"

"Nick…"

"Jess… Uh..."

"Yeah..." she replied breathlessly. Both of them thinking, what had they done.

* * *

**The next day doesn't have to be awkward**

* * *

They lay next to each other, neither sure what to say. If they knew each other a bit less, or even a bit more, it may have been less awkward. Finally, she had turned onto her side and he hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him, spooning her.

She was acutely aware of their nakedness: the feel of his warm, slightly moist skin against hers, his roughened hand wrapped firmly about her, gripping her stomach. His breath tickled at her neck and as he fell asleep his body made involuntary little starts,  _he must be tired,_  she thought. Her own sleep had come less easily. She was confused about what had just happened, it's meaning, it's consequences. If this was just a rebound, should she be feeling this way? Still, she enjoyed the feel of his arms around her, and replaying the events of the last couple of hours left a smile on her lips as she fell asleep.

* * *

Instinctively, he had pulled her towards him, took in the feel of her peachy flesh and buried his head in her soft, fragrant hair. The day had tired him and his reaction after sex was to sleep. He did this, with ease, enjoying the feel of a woman in his arms.

His own rumination had begun in the early hours – he awoke to find she had rolled forwards onto her stomach. The sheet around her had slipped and revealed her smooth back and the hint of the curve of her buttocks. He studied her, smiling in disbelief. He had been partially joking when he had suggested he be her rebound, he hadn't really thought… But she had, and they did, and it was… Something else. More than sex, that was for sure, but he wasn't really certain what it was. Happy to just enjoy the moment for what it is, he copied her pose, placing one arm under his pillow and hooking the other around her before returning to sleep.

* * *

Stifling a yawn as the morning light eked towards the bed, Jess felt Nick's arm wrapped around her. She smiled as she remembered where she was and why she was there. Slowly rolling onto her back and slipping his arm to her waist, she had bitten her lip to stop herself from laughing out loud in surprise. If anyone had told her this was where she would be now only 12 hours ago, she would have laughed and asked them what they were smoking. _Anything can happen_ , she thought.

"Good morning," he said sleepily, rubbing her stomach gently with his hand. She turned her head and looked at him, biting her lip, before quickly looking away and bursting into a peal of laughter.

"Hmm," he frowned, "Not quite the reaction I was hoping for." She turned back to him, covering her mouth with her hand until she had composed herself.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she finally said. She took a deep breath and looked over at him with large round eyes, smiling. He matched her smile, moving his hand to rub her shoulder. "I'm just a little nervous; I don't really know what to say."

"Well that makes two of us," he replied, raising his brow.

After a pause, she asked, "If I say thank you, would that be weird?"

"A little weird," he replied, laughing again. "Jess, that was… I don't know how to finish that sentence without sounding creepy."

"I think it was pretty awesome, as rebounds go. As you know I'm such an expert," she playfully jabbed his shoulder.

"Nah, you're little miss innocent, aren't ya?"

"You got me. I'm innocent and pure as white snow," she answered playfully.

"Well, if last night was pure and innocent, I'd love to meet down and dirty," he said, a dangerously flirtatious edge to his voice. He slid his arm behind her waist and shifted her closer to him again causing her to let out a little gasp as he did so.

"Seriously Nick, that was great, just what I needed." She moved her right arm around his neck and buried her fingers in his hair, "And I'm so glad this isn't… awkward."

"Well, I'm pleased to be of assistance. And may I say that was hands down the most fun I've had with a roommate, like ever."

"What – you, Coach and Schmidt never-?"

"Well, Schmidt has made the odd suggestive comment… That guy, he loves me too much," Nick shook his head and Jessica had to laugh once more. Nick's easy and playful manor had negated any awkwardness she had earlier felt.

"Ah, it's going to take a while getting used to living with three guys."

"It's going to take a while getting used to living with a girl like you."

"Like me?" she asked, wide eyed.

"Yeah. Crazy!" She let out a little shriek. "Sexy," he continued, a little quieter.

"You think I'm sexy, Miller?" she inquired, in a low voice.

"Nah, this boner I have here is cos I think you're goddamn ugly and I can't wait to get you out of my bed." She couldn't help but laugh again. When had she last laughed this much?

"Down boy," she said, placing her hand on his chest," I'm hungry." He gave her a puppy dog look. His hand began to snake down her back until it was cupping her buttocks and he began to trace small circles with his fingers over her soft skin, causing the areas they touched to throb gently. A smile began to curve at his lips as his look became more playful. With his other hand, he reached towards her face and began to trace the fullness of her lips with his thumb, before drawing lower, over her neck and down towards her chest, his hand finally reaching her breasts. Taking hold of one, he caressed it with his hand, before his mouth followed the trail his fingers had left, eventually taking her breast in his warm mouth, playfully teasing and biting her nipple. She sighed contently.

"Are you sure you're hungry?" he asked in between kisses.

"Huh?" she asked. He took this as a negative and continued his work. She moved her leg so his hand could move to the front of her and tease her, slipping a finger into her warmth and circling her with his thumb. She sighed again deeper, more breathlessly. He could feel her temperature rising along with her longing.

Finally he stopped and tore his self away; beholding the aroused expression she now wore. "Round two?" he asked. In response Jess simple smiled and pulled him on top of her, wrapping her legs around him and kissing him passionately.

* * *

Eventually Jess had to eat. After an hour or so of playful activities and surprisingly hot sex (for both of them) the growling in her stomach became more urgent. Grabbing her clothing, that was now scattered about his room, she had borrowed one of his T-shirts before shyly leaving, giving him one last coy look over her shoulder before closing the door behind her.

* * *

That evening was the weekly loft dinner, that Schmidt had instated in an attempt to bring the loft mates 'closer together'. It was an early dinner – Coach had a late night PT session and Schmidt had a date - so the time had been set for 6pm.

Jessica had spent perhaps more effort than would have been anticipated in getting ready for dinner with her roommates. She'd curled her hair, wore a new dress and applied a coat or two more of mascara that was really necessary.  _Nothing wrong with playing dress up_ , she told herself. But deep down, she knew it was because of him.

She stepped into the hallway just before six, only to see Nick leaving his room at the same time. For a second they were momentarily surprised by the sight of one another. She carefully studied him; he wore a dark, button down shirt that looked like it had been ironed – she hadn't seen Nick in anything that had been pressed in the few weeks she had lived there. It also seemed he had shaved today (that disappointed her a little, she liked the little bit of scruff) and he'd placed some product in his hair. The overall look, however, was devilishly handsome.

His surprise at seeing her in the corridor was more than matched by his amazement at how good she looked. In the weeks she had lived there she had donned a variety of odd outfits, her hair was usually a little crazy and she covered her eyes with thick framed spectacles more often than not. Today she wore a simple blue dress, her hair was pretty and her glasses were gone allowing him to appreciate her hypnotic eyes.

"Hey," she has eventually said.

"Yeah, hey," he'd replied. "Good day?"

"Not bad, I will say it started out pretty good," she said with a cheeky smile.

"Oh, really? Lucky you," he responded with a wink, which made her laugh in reply. She paused and bit her lip.

"Hey Nick, shall we keep last night between us? I don't want the guys to get weird if they found out…"

"Of course, we're just two adults, scratching an itch," he began, placing his hands into his pockets, "Nothing to do with them."

"I guess that's one way of putting it," she stepped forward at the same time as him to move towards the kitchen, their bodies lightly brushed each other. They both felt a surge of attraction pulse through their bodies and quickly moved apart. "Oh, sorry, after you," she began to babble.

"No, ladies first," he insisted, reaching out his hands in a permissive gesture, before following her along the corridor in a contemplative state.

* * *

Schmidt had cooked dinner and Nick and Jess helped by setting the table and getting drinks ready. Occasionally, as they were working, their hands would brush together, causing their eyes to meet and a sly smile to cross between them.

"Why are you two being so quiet?" Schmidt asked from the kitchen where he was stirring the contents of a wok.

"What ya talking about, Schmidty?" asked Nick, giving Jess a wide eyed look. Schmidt turned around to look at them.

"You've said less than ten words to each other since you came out of your rooms. Something's up." He placed his hands on his hips.

"Geez Schmidt, I'm just tired. Last night was exhausting. At the bar drinking I mean," she finished a little too quickly before involuntarily darting her eyes towards Nick.

Nick continued, "Yeah man, last night I had to do inventory at the end of my shift. So tired," he fakes a yawn. Not very convincingly, in Jess's opinion. Schmidt gave them a strange look before turning back to his noodles.

"I'm still suspicious. I'm watching you both," he finished, flipping a towel over his shoulder as he did so, as if to emphasise his point. The both looked at each other, stifling a laugh.

* * *

Later that night the loft was quiet except for the sound of an 80's movie on the TV. For once Jess had not insisted on watching Dirty Dancing and they had settled on a movie on cable, The Breakfast Club. Jess had a thing for Molly Ringwald and Nick appreciated the angry man angst of Judd Nelson so it was a good call. She lay on her side with her head on the arm of the couch, feet reaching into the corner. He was laid against some cushions, a considered distance from her, facing the screen.

In the movie, the gang had just snuck out to steal something from one of their lockers and were trying to avoid getting caught by the teacher who was overseeing their detention. Jess burst into a loud chortle as they all simultaneously skidded in the school corridor as they tried to change direction. He looked at her bewildered. "Haven't you seen this movie like a million times?"

She pushed herself up a little with her elbows so she was sitting up a little, "Yeah," she replied.

"And it still makes you laugh like that?"

"Yeah!"

"You're crazy," he said, shaking his head.

"And you're a grumpy old man who likes to complain about everything," she replied flirtatiously.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah," she repeated.

"Would an old man be able to do this?" he asked before launching at her and attempting to tickle her – attacking her waist, knees and underarms, all the killer spots.

"Truce, truce!" she finally cried, aching from laughter. Nick was now almost on top of her and she paused for a second, his lips inches away, before she scrambled into a seating position, "Let's agree to appreciate our differences and not criticize each other."

"I'll try, but it won't be easy, you've given me far too much ammunition already," she playfully elbowed him before they both lay back against the couch, her head eventually falling onto his shoulder.

* * *

It was the end of the movie; the jock had got with the Goth girl and he was kissing her in front of his dad. Jessica swallowed, "I guess opposites attract," she said quietly.

"In movies," he replied.

"Only in movies?" she asked. He turned his head to look at her.

"Maybe not only in movies," was his eventual reply. She felt the tension between them rise with every second that passed, picking up the remote control she muted the sound just as the final song began to play.

"Nick, I'm not really sure how to have this conversation but I really enjoyed last night. And this morning."

"Yeah me too, Jess," he replied with a smile, reaching his hand along the back of the sofa and resting it on her shoulder.

"So I was thinking, I mean I'm not ready to start something new and I don't think you are either…" his eyes squinted a little as he tried to anticipate her next words, "So, as we seem to do this stuff pretty well, I thought it might be nice to help each other out every once in a while. You know, scratch an itch so to speak."

He looked at her, her head tilted, red lips parted and soft curls lying over her shoulders. Here was a beautiful girl offering him no-strings-attached sex and even better she lived four feet away from his own room.

"I think that is the best idea I've heard in a long time," he replied, pulling himself a little closer to her.

"Okay, great. Um, I'm not sure how this works; I mean what do we even call this?"

"I think the technical term is friends with benefits," he said, laughing a little.

"Okay 'friend', so how about if either of us wants a 'benefit' they let the other know and if they're willing…" she let her voice trail off as she momentarily got a little embarrassed.

"Then the benefit will happen?" he finished.

"Yes, exactly, but no pressure. The friend is perfectly able to say no to said benefit on any occasion without negating the original agreement," she nodded, pleased with herself.

"Um, I think I followed that, so I say yes."

"Let's shake on it," she said, holding out her hands.

"This is a little weird, but okay," he answered before taking her hand and giving it two firm shakes. She began to yawn.

"I really oughta sleep, I guess," she said, starting to stand and turning the power off on the TV with the remote.

"Yeah, you're right, it's getting late." They both began to walk towards the bedrooms before pausing awkwardly in the space between the two rooms.

"So, I guess this is goodnight," he said.

"Yep, gute nacht, bonne nuit, buenas noches…" she paused for a second before turning and going into her room.

* * *

She felt strangely unsettled as she removed her clothes and put on a clean cotton pyjama set. Unsure as to the reason, she frowned a little. Finally realizing as she sat down that she was a little disappointed he hadn't invited her into his room for a second night. She quickly chided herself, don't be greedy. Your agreement is only an occasional thing.

Pulling back the covers of her bed she was about to slip in when she heard a soft knocking at her door. She walked over and pulled the door in; he was stood there, his arm extended and hand resting on her doorframe, looking down. As the door moved, his eyes lifted up and met hers. He didn't wait for her to speak.

"Jess, I need your help," he asked in a low, sexy voice.

"Uh-huh," she responded, swallowing, anticipating what was to come.

"I have this itch, that I just can't scratch," he said, shaking her head.

"Well, we can't have that ,can we?" She grabbed the centre of his shirt with her fist and pulled him further into the room before using the other hand to pull his lips towards hers. He swiftly kicked the door behind him closed before they fell into a hot, steamy embrace and collapsed onto the bed.

* * *

**How to Keep a Secret**

* * *

The loft TV blared with the sound of a football game as Schmidt, Winston and Nick stared intently at the screen, bottles of beer clutched in their hands. As Jess walked towards the living area she fluffed her hair with her hands and tried to place a nonchalant look on her face.

"Hey, Nick, are you still able to help me with that thing?" she asked, attempting a cool and collected voice.

"Huh?" he said as he looked away from the TV.

"Remember," she started again, "That thing, you know, we talked about. Earlier." She gave him a wide eyed look as she awaited his response. Slowly, the penny dropped and Nick quickly stood.

"Yeah, Jess, of course! Of course I can help you. With that thing," he put down his bottle and began to walk to where she stood near the hallway.

"Hey, Nick! What happened to guy's night? Beers, football and then late night Dial-A-Babe on cable!" Winston scowled as he spoke.

"Ah, guys I promised Jess… She needs my help with some, uh, documents…"

"Documents?" Schmidt asked suspiciously.

"Yeah, documents," Jess interjected nodding her head vigorously, "And they are in my car. So we have to go. Bye." Grabbing Nick's hand she quickly bundled him out of the apartment, slamming the door as she did. Bewildered, the two other housemates gave each other a puzzled look before they each took a sip of beer and returned their attention to the TV screen.

* * *

The windows of the station wagon were slick with moisture as the radio crackled, quietly playing a stream of soft rock. With the back seats laid down, they were stretched out together under the cover of a plaid picnic blanket that Jess kept in the trunk. She laid back, her head lying on her folded up sweater as he leaned over her, resting on his forearms. He placed small kisses across her face and down her collarbone as she giggled at the tickling sensation his lips elicited from her skin. "Stop, you're tickling me!" she laughed as he began to smile broadly.

"What?" he said between kisses, "You can't handle this?"

"Noo!" she half laughed, half cried. When the chuckling finally subsided, she stared up into his dark eyes, "Nick, I don't think I've said this in a while, but this has been really fun."

" _Has been_  fun?" he asked questioningly.

"Is fun," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist so he was a little bit closer to her and shuffling her hips and little lower so they were directly under his own. "I'm not letting you go anywhere, at least for now," she said, smiling wickedly.

"I still can't believe we've been getting away with this for so long," he replied, brushing a stray hair out of her eyes.

"Two months Nick, if this were a relationship I'd say we were going steady. How those guys haven't worked it out yet…"

"I think Coach had an idea," Nick began, "He said he didn't understand why I was so interested in doing laundry all of a sudden."

"Well hot damn, thank God he got that job in Malibu then!" Jess reached up and pulled Nick into a deep, sensual kiss.

"Mmmm," he groaned, "You taste so good."

"You're not bad yourself mister!" she sighed, running her hands up his bare back. "Seriously though, how many trips to IKEA and the drug store do they think we need to make?"

"And come back with nothing."

"Exactly. And documents Nick, what the hell was that about?"

"I panicked," he gave her a crooked smile that made her heart melt a little.

"I forgive ya. Only cos you're cute," she wriggled her nose a little as she spoke.

"You think I'm cute, Day?"

"I think my roommate with benefits is very cute," she kissed his head, "And hot," she kissed his cheek, "And pretty damn good in bed," she finally placed another hard kiss on his mouth that made his heart begin to beat a little faster.

"Careful Jess, talk like that and I might end up falling for ya," he said, raising his eyebrows as he spoke.

"Yeah right, as it that could ever happen," she decided to end the conversation there and then by pressing her naked body tightly against his, covering his mouth in her own and digging her nails into his back – she'd worked out that that drove him wild.

"Jessica," he said through their kisses. The way he said her name drove  _her_ crazy. It was deep, throaty and coated in a Chicago accent that cut deep into her and made her vibrate from within. She'd had to stop him joking about falling for her – it cut too close to the bone. In the weeks their arrangement had been in place, they had barely been able to keep their hands off each other – shower sex, laundry room sex, bedroom sex, car sex… But more than that, he had made her laugh; they had talked about dreams, ideas, and their pasts. If she was truly honest with herself, she thought she was in danger with this man. In danger of falling for him and getting hurt – he'd made it clear this wasn't anything serious, and she had said to him pretty much the same. So she pushed these thoughts to the back of her mind and tried to enjoy the present for what it was.

Pausing, he looked into her mesmerising blue eyes and his breath caught in his throat. He was amazed at how beautiful she was – each day her allure seemed to increase and he felt himself drawing closer and closer to her. Not that he would ever say anything to her. Nope, he knew what this was and as hard as he knew it would be when she decided to move on, find something real, he would enjoy and cherish these intimate moments.

"Again?" he asked, a wondering smile rising on his lips.

She nodded in response, digging her hands into his firm butt, pulling her towards him, for round two.

* * *

It was late that night when they got back to the loft; they had lain in the car talking for hours, happy in each other's company and each other's arms. Sneaking back into the apartment proved easier than they had anticipated, the lights were off and so was the TV; the guys had already given up for the night. Slipping through the door, he pressed her against the wall, giving her one last, lip biting kiss.

"Nick? Is that you?" Schmidt's voice echoed over across the room as her opened his door, a shaft of light spilling out into the living area. Panicked, Nick gestured to Jess to hide. She crouched and hid behind the table next to the door, trying to keep quiet.

"Yeah Schmidt, what up?" Nick replied, trying to sound cool and calm.

"Where the hell have you and Jess been? It's like 1am already!"

"Jess?" he said, shrugging his shoulders, "She came back ages ago. I've been at the bar." Schmidt gave him a cool, steely eyed stare and raised his eyebrows.

"Then where is she now?" Schmidt asked, raising his hands in the air.

"In her room? Why would I know anyway?" he said, fidgeting a little, uncomfortable as he felt the sweat begin to drip down his back.

"Hmm," Schmidt replied, "I've got my eye on you Miller. Something is not right."

"Ah, you've been doing too many crunches at the gym my man, you're thinking crazy," Nick smiled, a little too brightly. Schmidt went to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water as Nick watched. He faced Nick and took a drink, keeping his eyes locked on his. He pointed his finger towards his eyes and then towards Nick, before silently turning and going back to his room, closing his door with a soft thud.

Jess jumped up as she heard the door close and ran up to Nick, "That was close," she whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, I wonder how long we can keep getting away with this?" he said, turning to face her.

"I don't know… But I don't think they would understand. Remember the –what did you call it?"

"The roommate agreement. Yeah, I think they'd be pretty pissed if they found out I'd broken it before I even signed it!"

They walked together quietly to the space that separated their rooms. Pausing, a quiet calm permeated the atmosphere.

"Thanks for a great night Jess, like I said before this is really fun."

"Likewise Nicholas," a shiver went down his spine as she said his full name, "Really fun." He turned to grab the handle of his door when she stopped him by placing a hand on his arm.

"Hey Nick, if you're not busy, how do you feel about maybe staying in my room tonight?" he looked at her, uncertain what she meant, "I mean, it's a little cold." Staring into her eyes, he tried to gauge her meaning, "I mean, it's totally fine if you don't want to, I mean, I know that this isn't what this is… I just thought it might be – nice?" she looked up at him expectantly, large eyes blinking.

"Like, sleep as in sleep? As in go to sleep in the same bed?" She nodded, keeping her gaze on him. Swallowing, he nodded himself, "Okay, just let me get something to sleep in."

When he returned to her room, she was already in bed. She was wearing pink striped pyjamas and her hair was fanned out over her pillow, the blankets pulled up to her armpits as she lay on her side facing the door. "Hey," he said as he walked in side.

"Hey," she replied, lifting the covers a little so he could ease into the bed beside her.

"So, how we going to do this?" he asked, feeling strangely nervous.

"Would you be the big spoon? I just fall asleep so much better that way and I'm so tired," she stifled a yawn.

"Sure," he replied as she turned onto her other side and pushed her body closer to his. He placed one arm on the pillow above her head, his hands brushing against the silky softness of her hair. The other he wrapped around her small waist and rested it against the small row of plastic buttons that closed her shirt.

Reaching over, she flicked off the small lamp that was lighting the room. "Goodnight Nick," she whispered.

"Goodnight Jess," he replied. As darkness descended upon them, a strange feeling began to descend. For all their previous intimacy, for all they were both fully clothed, he felt closer to her at that moment than he had ever before.  _Oh man,_ he thought swallowing before trying to switch his mind off and sleep.

* * *

**How (not) to be honest**

* * *

The heavy breathing of Jessica Day intensified as Nick Miller's kisses became more urgent, seeking out the soft, sensitive skin of her neck. She dug her hands into the thin material of his t-shirt as she felt the strength in her legs begin to weaken. "Are you sure," she said between kisses, "that they're going to be out all day?" He pulled back a little and nodded his head as he caught her gaze, the fire of passion in his eyes surprising her as he returned his attention to her lips. Pushing her body back into the butter leather of the sofa, she felt her head begin to swim,  _God, what is this man doing to me?_ She thought. Eagerly, her fingers sought out the rough denim of his jeans and she slipped her hands under the heavy waistband, grasping his rear, digging her fingers into its firm flesh. She felt him jump a little at her touch and it excited her; the impact of her actions on his body.

Nick couldn't keep his hands from working their way around her body, under her skirt, inside her sweater, exploring the acres of smooth, delicious skin. She was like an addiction, a drug he couldn't get enough of. He felt her body shiver at his touch and she felt like putty in his hands, his to mould and bend in ways to drive her wild.

She pushed him away, a wicked smile on her face, and lay staring up at him with hazy blue eyes. "What?" he asked breathlessly, enjoying the flush of color that had arisen on her cheeks.

"I have an idea," she whispered. Slipping out from under him, she started walking away from the living room. He watched her leave, at first a little confused, until her hands moved to the hem of her sweater and she lifted it over her head, tossing it onto the floor and continuing to walk away. Understanding her game, he scrambled to his feet and followed her; shedding his clothes as he went. Next he saw her short black skirt, beside the iron curtain, her tights she had hung on the handle of his door. Struggling out of his pants, he tugged off his socks and flung them behind him. He lifted his head just in time to see her drop her bra at the entrance to the bathroom. Smiling, he chased after her.

Inside the bathroom, he could already hear the rush of running water, as steam from the shower began to billow out from the top of the stall. As he stepped inside, he saw her hand appear in the space between the wall and the curtain, her panties dangling from one finger, before she let them fall to the floor. Quickly, he pushed his own underwear to the ground and pulled back the curtain.

She had her back to him, facing the wall. In her hands there was a sponge that was squeezing soapy suds over her shoulders and down the curves of her body. He watched the sparkling white bubbles slide over her skin, momentarily hypnotised. Looking over her shoulder, she sighed and turned back, "I had just about given up on you…" her voice trailed off.

"Come here woman," he said, grabbing her elbow and spinning her round the face him. He took the sponge from her hand and flung it to the floor, before cupping her buttocks in his hands and lifting her body up against the wall.

"Oh," she gasped, "You are full of surprises Miller."

"You ain't seen nothing yet," he replied, before covering her mouth with his own, not letting her talk again.

* * *

A whole day of the loft to themselves almost seemed too good to be true. Winston was working a twelve hour shift and Schmidt was at a work 'team building' event, an hour north of the city, which meant they had a clear eight to ten hour window of opportunity. In the few months they had had their arrangement, they had fallen into a regular pattern of sneaking around, slipping into one another's rooms late at night, car sex and even hooking up in the bathroom at Clyde's. They avoided staying the night together-the few times they had done it had led to close calls, so they had an unspoken agreement to always return to their own beds. Anyway, this was just sex-right?

Following the shower, they had dried off and talked before working their way around the various rooms of the loft, exploring each other and their newfound freedom to be as creative, loud and free as they wished.

Eventually, they somehow landed, exhausted on Nick's bed, their legs intertwined and both laying back against his mismatched pillows. They were laughing about Schmidt's rant yesterday about the fading brightness of his whites and his insistence they change detergent brands.

"Seriously Nick, why are you friends with him?" she wondered. He rolled onto his side, propping his hand up with his head.

"I ask myself the same question sometimes," he chuckled, "Seriously though, the more you get to know him, the more you see his sensitive side. Did you know he used to be hugely overweight in college?" Her eyes widened incredulously.

"No?" she replied. He nodded.

"Yep, over 300 pounds. When he lost it he gained his slightly douchey side, but inside of him there is still a fat kid trying to get out," he said softly.

"Well, I'm still amazed you've managed to stay friends for so long. I see myself as fairly easy going but he cuts it fiiinnnne," she smiled. "You know, I really don't know that much about you guys, before I moved in, I mean."

"Well, what do you want to know?" he asked. She looked around the room and shook her head.

"That's actually a much harder question than you'd think. I guess, just how you met, what you did in college. That kind of stuff. My life is like an open book, but you guys are still a mystery to me." He laughed and shuffled closer and began to tell her the stories of how he met the other two roommates.

* * *

As she watched his face move animatedly whilst he talked about his friends, a silly, whimsical smile pulled at her lips. His head bobbed and his face moved into different shapes as he described some of the crazier things they had gotten up to over the years. An unfamiliar longing began to tug at her heart as he spoke. Over the weeks they had dived in and out of each other's beds, she had felt her attachment to her grumpy, scruffy roommate increase. She'd shaken her head many times, told herself to snap out of it – this is a rebound, she needed to remind herself. But, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop herself from slipping further into affection for this man. Even though she knew that wasn't what he wanted.

* * *

Although he was talking, his mind was elsewhere. He enjoyed having Jess in his room, in his domain. She looked so small amongst his bed sheets but she seemed to naturally belong there. By now, she had her favorite pillow – a pale mustard yellow one – and he knew she liked to lie on the right side of the bed when they talked.

There was a heavy side to his heart as he continued to reel off stories of his previous escapades. He knew, deep down, that this had to end and probably soon. It was a miracle that Jessica had let this go on as long as she had – even more so the guys hadn't worked it out yet. He knew, he certainly knew, that within a short period of time, Jess would be ready to move on and there would be a string of guys lining up to date her. And as her roommate, he would have front row access to that torturous show. Gritting his teeth a little, he continued his stories as he felt his mood dip somewhat.

* * *

Somehow they had eventually fallen asleep; the chatter between them slowly turning into blissful silence. Sometime later, Nick had been roused from his slumber. Groaning, he turned over and smiled. Jess was still there, her hair wild and messy, the covers pulled up to her chin, showing only a flash of her pale blue pyjamas. Yawning a little, he picked up his phone and checked the time. It was 7pm; they'd been asleep for almost two hours. He slid it back under his pillow and placed his arm over Jess and closed his eyes;  _just a little longer, let's enjoy this for a little while longer,_ he thought.

* * *

Jessica was in the midst of a wonderful dream. She was at the beach, the warm sun shone on her face and the sounds of waves crashing filled her ears. Sighing contently, she lay in his arms, happy and relaxed, as he dropped small kisses on her face and they talked about their future…

A loud bang shook Jess form her dreams. Groggily, she opened her eyes; her vision and sight still confused and unreliable. She prodded her elbow at Nick, "Hey Nick," she said in a sleepy voice, "Wake up, I think-"

She was cut off as the door to Nick's room flung open. Schmidt barged into the room, Nick's underwear hanging from his finger "Nick, I have told you about not leaving your-" he broke off as he clocked the scene in front of him. His gaze switched from Jess, to Nick and back again, a confused expression furrowing his brow. "Wait…" he began, "What? Are you two…?"

The air between the three became thick with tension as Schmidt stared at both of them and Jess and Nick glanced nervously at each other. Finally Schmidt's eyes widened in recognition of the scene before him. "No, no Nick. This is not acceptable!" Enraged, he turned and raced out of the door. Nick quickly jumped out of bed and pulled a t-shirt over his sleep pants before following him, "Schmidt, buddy, come on," he cried as he chased him into the living room.

Jess sat awkwardly in Nick's bed, her fingers playing with the material of his bedspread, unsure what to do. She felt like she should stay out of this for now, so she decided to remain where she was.

* * *

Schmidt sat on the couch, his fists balled under his crossed arms as he tapped his foot angrily on the floor. Nick rounded the corner from the hallway and stood about ten feet away from him and waited. "Schmidt, I… you've got the total wrong idea about this…"

"Wrong idea?" he raged, "Wrong idea? From what I can see, you and our resident schoolteacher have been engaging in carnal relations, behind the back of your best friend, in direct violation of the no nail oath!" Nick inched a little closer as his face rose into a grimace.

"Actually, technically, this predates the oath…"

"What?" Schmidt exclaimed, "You and Jess had been bumping nasties for two months?" his eyes widened.

"Well, if I'm truthful, it's closer to three…" Nick shoved his hands into his pockets as he waited for Schmidt to respond.

* * *

Jess strained to hear the conversation between the two men, so she slid out of bed and crept towards the door. Sliding it open a crack, she listened attentively to what was being said.

Nick had moved to sit on the opposite side of the sofa to Schmidt as he brooded over tonight's revelations. "Look, buddy, relax," he insisted.

"Relax? I knew this was going happen, knew you couldn't keep your hands off her," Jess smiled at this. "Look, I can't cope with yet another new roommate, you'd better end this and end it good. Otherwise you are going to ruin it and she'll be running off to some other oversized loft share." Schmidt leant forward and locked eyes with Nick.

"Really, you have the total wrong idea. This is nothing, nothing at all. It's just sex. I'm her rebound," he gave Schmidt a proud smile.

"You're her rebound? Really Nick, as if she couldn't do better," Schmidt replied bitterly.

"I'm serious," he insisted, "It's nothing really, doesn't mean a thing."

* * *

Behind the door Jess's heart caught in her throat as she heard the phrase, 'doesn't mean a thing.' Her heart hardened a little at this and she straightened her shoulders. Steeling herself, she berated herself for not expecting this declaration.  _He's a guy, it's uncomplicated sex…_  she thought. The other side of her mind piped up and fought back,  _but what about the talking, the laughing, and the holding…_ She shook her head as if to chase these thoughts away and headed into the hallway.

* * *

"You're telling me that you and Jess are sleeping together, and have been for several months, and it means nothing?" he asked seriously. Nick swallowed and nodded his head.

"Er, yep. That's exactly what I mean," he insisted.

"Yeah Schmidt," came Jess's voice as she entered the living room, "It's just a thing. No biggie."

Nick's head swung round to see the dishevelled, pyjama clad figure of Jessica Day clinging to the steely blue metal of the iron curtain. He tried to catch her gaze but she steadfastly avoided him, keeping her eyes locked on Schmidt.

"So you are saying, Jessica, that this means nothing to you," he said pointing at the two of them.

"Not a thing, Schmidt," she persisted, "It's just like getting a friend to scratch an itch." Schmidt's mind started to digest the information he had been given and he turned silent. Nick's mind, however, buzzed with activity:  _is this real? Is this how she sees us?_ He breathed deeply, trying to retain his composure.

"Alright," Schmidt said finally, rising to his feet, "I will give you the benefit of the doubt but I expect to see no evidence of this, this, 'thing' and God help you if this ruins the loft dynamic…"

"It won't," Jess swore, "I promise."

Schmidt looked at both of them before storming of to his room and slamming the door. Nick stood up and walked over to Jess. "Wow, he was sure angry, right?" Jess laughed a little uncomfortably.

"Yeah, he can be a little, er, dramatic." Nick shifted from foot to foot a little awkwardly as they stood facing each other.

"Hey Nick, thanks for setting him straight, you know about out arrangement and all that," she said, nodding as she spoke.

"Oh, that," he said with a hint of sadness, "It's cool. He needed to understand what this is."

"Yeah," she replied quietly, "Just friends with a few benefits, right?" They both nodded silently at each other. After a slight pause, they turned to the corridor that separated their rooms. Stopping, they faced each other, the only sound their soft, hesitant breaths; they each kept a careful and considered distance from the other, no chance of bodies touching.

"Hey Nick, goodnight," she whispered.

"Goodnight Jess," he echoed turning around and closing his door behind him.

* * *

Wrapping herself in her cool, cotton comforter Jessica felt a chill of disappointment flood her veins. This evening he had confirmed her fears; he only saw this as a bit of fun.  _Silly girl,_  she told herself, as if it was anything more. She had known when she entered this thing that it could never be anything more but tonight, that was no balm to the little ache that hung in her heart.

* * *

He clutched her favorite pillow to his chest and enjoyed how it smelled of her. Burrowing his head under his blankets he felt a fog of sadness descend over his body. He'd always known that this thing with Jess was temporary, always known for her it was a way of moving on, a physical thing. But that didn't mean her words hadn't stung. To hear her say it meant nothing was hard. He sighed and pushed his face further into the pillow, imagining it was her before drifting into a fitful sleep.

* * *

**How to play it cool**

* * *

Reaching into the kitchen cupboard, Jess pulled out the small white box of tea and placed it on the counter top. Selecting a pouch of Earl Grey, she slid the box back onto the shelf before closing the door with a soft bang. Absentmindedly, she walked over to the kettle, before flicking it on. As she waited for the water to boil, she placed her elbows on the marble surface; resting her head glumly in her hands.

Two weeks. It had been two whole weeks since Schmidt had walked in on them in Nick's bed. Fourteen days where the two had steadfastly avoided each other, as if to make the point that whatever was going on between them meant nothing. She missed him appearing at her door at midnight and climbing into her bed. The memory of the feel of his body upon hers was beginning to fade; the sensation of his lips upon hers was becoming fuzzy and indistinct. Their interaction had become brief and perfunctory; gone the pillow talk and the moonlit confessions.

The whistle of the kettle boiling shook Jess from her reflections and wearily she picked it up and took it over to her cup, pouring the steaming liquid on top of the muslin bag of tea and breathing in the scented aroma the water released. Picking up a small, silver colored spoon, she began to slowly stir the drink, her mind a million miles away.

The sound of footsteps caused her to spin around to see who was approaching; her heart did a small jump as she saw it was him. It was clear he had just come out of the shower. His skin was damp and glistening and small beads of water slowly rolled down his chest as he approached. Around his waist was a wrapped a blue towel, just showing the smallest hint of hipbone. She swallowed, feeling a rising swell of desire inside her. Slicked back, his dark hair was rendered deeper by its wetness. He hadn't shaved though; this made her smile a little inside. She loved that little bit of scruff: the feel of it as his mouth explored her body, pulling at her skin, just the right side of pleasure and pain.

Shaking her head, she gave him a weak smile, "Uh, hi Nick," she mumbled.

"Good morning Jess," he replied as he made his way towards the kettle, "Is this hot?" he asked. She nodded in reply, feeling a hot surge of awkwardness pass over her body as he moved closer. Whilst he reached into the cupboard below her, she could feel his body heat radiating from him; penetrating her cool, pink cotton robe. She stepped a little to one side to move out of the range of it as he stood and heaped a spoon of coffee into the mug he had taken and filled it with hot water. After stirring it a few times, he turned so both of them were stood looking out across the apartment.

The scalding coffee burned his mouth but the pain barely registered. His mind and body were preoccupied with the mind and body of Jessica Day, who stood barely three feet to his right. Continuing to take small sips, he stood paralyzed by indecision. Desperately, he wanted to talk to her. Their arrangement had been dead in the water for the past couple of weeks, indeed they had barely communicated. Sighing, he rubbed his thumb against the smooth, glossy porcelain of the mug as he finally turned his body to face her. "So Jess, what you got planned today?" he asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

His question took her by surprise and her face flushed pink as she fumbled for an answer, "Um, I, well not much. Some papers to grade, an early night I guess," she gave him a small, melancholy smile.

Nodding, he stammered, "Yeah, uh, me too. Well not the papers to grade I mean." Jess chuckled a little as she felt a thaw in the icy tension that had filled the kitchen. Feeling bold, she placed her cup on the shiny surface and placed turned her body so she was facing him.

"Hey, Nick we haven't-"

"Alright guys, cancel all plans for this evening, my man Randolf is holding a last minute pool party up in the hills and I scored us an invite," Schmidt's loud voice rang out across the room and broke her train of thought.

"No Schmidt, you know I hate pool parties. I hate being submerged in water with a bunch of strangers, it feels weird," an involuntary shiver went through Nick's body as he spoke.

"Open bar," Schmidt responded, as he approached the kitchen island and laid his hands on its surface.

"I'm in," Nick quickly replied, starting to walk to the other side of the kitchen and opening the fridge.

"Jess?" Schmidt asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Well, I kinda wanted an evening in…"

"Jess, there will be numerous, hot single people at this party. Randolf is like the best party organizer I know. And you know, I know many," he said with a smug smile.

"Fine," she sighed, before picking up her cup and finishing the last of her tea.

"Awesome, hey and bring that hot friend of yours."

"Cece?" she asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, and dress sexy. None of that vintage crap," Schmidt replied.

"Yes siree," she replied, a little annoyed. Schmidt's phone rang and he charged back into his room, slamming the door.

"So," Nick began after a few moments silence, "A party, ought to be fun."

"Yeah," she agreed, "And if not, at least we can get drunk for free."

"That is true," he laughed. Another uneasy silence descended. Jess was finished her drink and ready to leave. He was stood in her way; he would have to move to let her out. They stared at each other, he could get lost in those blue eyes, so clear like he could see straight inside of her. She studied his soft, dark eyes; they seemed to hide so much. "Hey, Jess, what were you going to say before-"

"Oh nothing," she said, stopping him and waving her hand, "Actually, I can't even remember," she lied.

"Oh," he said, unable to hide his disappointment, "Okay."

"Right, I better go shower and call Cece about this party. See you later?" she asked a hint of hope in her voice.

"Sure," he nodded as he watched her walk away, feeling more confused than ever.

* * *

Jess had volunteered to be designated driver for the evening and they had all piled into Jess's old Volvo for the 40 minute ride to the party. In the back, Winston, Schmidt and Cece had talked freely – well, mostly Winston and Schmidt had tried to impress Cece and she had made smart quips back and rolled her eyes. Nick was riding shotgun and the atmosphere in the front of the car was distinctly chillier; few words passed between them. Occasionally, his eyes would slide to the left and take a glance at her. Her face peeking out from behind her thick, espresso colored hair was just a hint of creaminess and rosy lips. She was wearing a simple blue cotton dress and underneath he could see a hint of her red polka dot bathing suit. The low hum of the radio negated the necessity for small talk to break the silence, but he so wanted to say something yet he didn't know what.

Pulling off the road onto the long and winding drive, Jess felt the weight of nearly an hour spent in uneasy silence prey upon her. If the others had noticed, they hadn't commented but she felt so aware of their awkwardness that she felt physically sick. Quickly, she parked the car and turned off the engine as the occupants of the car piled out.

"C'mon guys, follow me," Schmidt called out as he headed towards the towering, glass paned house. Jess hung back and locked the car as Nick walked around to the driver's side, "You look really pretty tonight Jess," he said quietly.

"Thanks Nick," she replied and then fidgeted a little, unsure what to say next.

"Shall we?" he offered, pointing in the direction of the others. She smiled and nodded, moving to walk away; her mind and her heart twirling in confusion.

As they stepped into the living area, the room buzzed with the lazy beat of trendy house music that Jess could see was coming from a DJ booth set up on the patio. Around the sofas and chairs of the lounge their congregated a selection of attractive 20 and 30 something's sipping tall cocktails and bottles of icy beer.

"Hey, Schmidt!" came the voice of a tall, tanned man with foppish blonde hair who walked confidently towards them holding a tumbler of iced whiskey in his hand. "You made it!" he continued, pulling Schmidt into a firm bear hug, spilling a few drops of whiskey on his shirt in the process.

"Yeah man, wouldn't miss this for anything. This party gonna be da bomb," Schmidt made a gesture with his hands as he spoke; Jess could tell he was going to be extra douchy today and she sighed. "These are my friends," he gestured to the group behind him, "Nick, Winston, Cecelia and Jessica. Guys, this is Randolf."

"Enchante," Randolf said, taking Jess and Cece's hands in turn and placing a cold clammy kiss on them. Jess squirmed a little at his touch but kept her mouth held in a firm smile. "You will excuse me but I need to speak to the caterer, they do NOT understand the meaning of modern canapé, but please get a drink, enjoy yourself and I look forward to catching up with you later. Especially you gorgeous," he finished, raising his eyebrows at Jess before walking away.

"Uh-oh Jess, I think someone has a crush," Cece teased. Jess felt her cheeks burning.

"Jess he is one of the biggest PR guys in LA, I really can't believe he's into you-"

"Schmidt!" Jess warned.

"Okay, okay," he apologized throwing up his hands, "but seriously he is a big catch."

"Fine, I'll talk to him later," Jess replied whilst Nick began to storm off towards the patio. As she watched him walk away she felt herself deflate a little.

* * *

Cece and Jess sat on a white, expensive looking beanbag sofa by the pool. As soon as they had gotten drinks the guys had immediately removed their shirts and dived into the pool and were currently floating around, drinking their beers. Jess sipped her virgin mojito as she watched them, her eyes darting to Nick more often than not; wondering what was going on with them.

"Jess, you okay?" Cece asked.

"Yeah, why?" Jess replied, not very convincingly.

"Well, all you've done for the past 30 minutes is stare at Nick with a very serious expression. Is something up between you two?"

"No… well, you see, we had this arrangement-" she confessed.

"Yeah, I know you were having sex with him."

"What?!" Jess exclaimed.

"Schmidt told me at the bar the other day. I was waiting for a chance to bring it up so you could apologize for not telling your best friend…"

"Oh Cece, I'm sorry, it just, became kinda crazy. It was just a thing, you know," she looked into Cece's eyes as she spoke, "Nothing serious, just a rebound."

"Uh-huh, so that's why you are looking at him like a puppy eyeing up some kibble."

"No, no, it's not…" her voice trailed off as she sought the words, "It just got a little weird," she admitted, "But it's over anyway."

"Okay, if you say so," Cece replied, leaning back into the sofa and taking a long sip of her drink as Jess reflected on her feelings but felt none the wiser for her reflection.

* * *

It was 10 pm and the beat of the music had quickened and most of the guests were lounging around the pool area; a few floated on the water on inflatable chairs whilst waitresses walked around passing out trays of tequila shots. The guys had joined them poolside; Schmidt had squeezed onto the sofa next to Cece and Winston and Nick sat on small white stools next to them as they chatted.

"Hey guys, tequila?" asked the scantily clad waitress as she laid a silver tray in front of them.

"Oh, shot time!" came the voice of Randolf approaching, "Let's do this guys!" he exclaimed, squeezing himself next to Jess on the sofa. There wasn't really room and Jess felt a little squashed as his hip dug into her own. The friends all took a glass except Jess.

"I'm driving," she said shaking the tray away.

"Aw, Jennifer, you can't come to a Randolf Hester party and not drink!"

"It's Jess… And I'm designated driver," she smiled bleakly.

"Stay here, you all can. Plenty of rooms," he said gesturing to the building behind him.

"Oh, I don't know…"

"Oh Jess let's do it, you only live once right?" prodded Cece. Jess reached across and picked up the heavy shot glass and held it to her lips. Momentarily, her eyes locked with Nick's – his expression confused her. It was sad and questioning; what was wrong with him? This was making her head hurt.

"Bottoms up!" cried Schmidt as they all tossed the fiery liquid into their mouths and gasped as it worked its way down their gullets. Placing the glass back onto the tray, she noticed Nick was still looking at her.

* * *

"Oh Randolf, you are hilarious!" Jess giggled, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Well I'm lucky, it just comes naturally," he replied arrogantly and Jess took a sip of her (this time, non-virgin) mojito as she stifled a grimace. She had been overtly flirting with him for 20 minutes now. Already she was on her second cocktail and she could feel her belly warming with the alcohol and it made her bolder. She was trying to elicit a reaction from Nick. But nothing so far. He had steadfastly avoided her gaze and remained locked in conversation with Winston as Schmidt and Cece talked beside her. Frowning, she decided to up the ante.

"Hey, Randolf, could you give me a tour?" she asked flirtatiously, pushing her knee towards his and squeezing his shoulder, "This place looks amazing. Amazing," she repeated pointedly, sliding a glance to see if Nick had noticed. Nope.

"Of course," he said standing and taking her hand, "This home was designed by…" Randolf continued to talk as they walked away but her mind was elsewhere and registered very little.

* * *

His body stiffened. He was acutely aware at the closeness of Jess and Schmidt's douchebag friend. His eyes had carefully avoided her throughout those torturous minutes where he had been aware of their conversation far more than he had of his own; operating on auto pilot as Winston had commented on the hotness of various women at the party.

Hearing them stand up, his eyes had moved to watch them walk away; feeling a little more lost with every second that passed. "Nick," came Winston's voice, " _Nick_." He shook his head and turned to face Winston. "Dude, what is wrong with you today? Have you heard a word I was saying?"

Nick gave an apologetic smile, "Sorry, I'm distracted."

"No shit," Winston replied, "Distracted by a certain brunette I see."

"What? What are you talking about, I'm not-"

"Yeah right. Sweatback," Winston stopped him, leaning back to point at the damp patch beginning to form on his t-shirt. Nick pulled his mouth into a straight smile and shrugged his shoulders. "You like her dude, why don't you tell her?"

"No," Nick shook his head, "No, this was just a rebound. Nothing more," he insisted.

"Yeah, says who?" he demanded, pulling back a drink of beer as he spoke.

"Well…"Nick stopped, he wasn't really sure. The whole situation had been so confusing that they had never really defined what was going on as it evolved, "Well, I can't remember exactly but I do know it's over and she has moved on," he pointed in the direction of Jess and Randolf who had disappeared into the house.

"If you say so man," Winston said unconvincingly. Nick sighed heavy heartedly.

"Come one, let's get another beer," he suggested, standing up and heading for the bar.

* * *

Three am. The music had long since stopped and only a trickle of partygoers remained. Winston had passed out on the couch about an hour earlier; he had switched to cocktails shortly after midnight and he had soon descended into drunken dancing and eventual slumber.

Cece and Schmidt were still talking by the pool,  _Who'd have thought it?_  Jess thought with a wry smile. Cece's taste in men never ceased to amaze her. She was alone with a sleeping Winston in the living room when Randolf appeared with a shirt, "Something for you to sleep in; it's Dior," he whispered.

"Thanks," Jess replied. She was getting a little tired of his constant name dropping,  _he's worse than Schmidt…_  "When you're changed just come find me."

"Okay," she nodded as he walked back out onto the patio. She yawned. Suddenly her feet felt tired and her back ached. Slumping into the soft fabric of the sofa she let out a little yelp as she saw Nick appear from the other direction.

"Oh," he said as he slowed his approach.

"Hey Nick," she said sleepily, "You had a good time?"

"Oh, yeah," he replied, "The best." Jess patted the sofa next to her and he sidled over and slid onto its soft surface. A silent minute passed.

"So," Jess began.

"Hey, um, good luck with the Randolf thing," Nick said quietly, clearing his throat a little.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Well, he's a 'catch' right. Rich, handsome. He seems to like you," he caught her gaze as he spoke. She blushed and dropped her eyes.

"I guess…"

"And I'm glad you are moving on. From Spencer I mean," he quickly added. Her heart quickened a little as he spoke. She shrugged her shoulders.

"I guess it's time?" she asked, her voice rising as she spoke. She held her breath waiting for him to answer. He nodded and she felt her heart tighten and the sickness in her stomach to rise again. "Yeah, I think this feels good to me."

"I'm happy for ya," he added.

"Hey Nick," she said slowly, "I wanted to say, you know, thank you. For everything." She held her breath waiting for his response.

"Jessica," her body shuddered as he said her name in his syrupy drawl, "I'm glad I helped. But there is something you should know about me. I'm great at beginnings. Not so good at endings, so…" he gave her a sad, crooked smile.

"Okay," she nodded, feeling a small wave of tears welling up. She stood up quickly and turned to him. "Hey, I'd better go find Randolf. Good night Nick," and she padded off to look for him, clutching the shirt in her hands, a salty sting hurting her eyes.

* * *

Nick's heart felt leaden as he watched her slink away. It was over; officially done. Ripples of sadness flooded his body as he watched her tiny figure walk away and become smaller and smaller. All he had now were memories and dreams of her; he laid his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes.

* * *

**How actions speak louder than words**

* * *

Leaving her room, she closed the door softly behind her and with a deep breath headed towards the living area, prepared for the inevitable questioning. On the couch, Nick and Winston sat drinking beers and watching a game on TV. Schmidt was at the dining table, with his laptop, typing away.

The click-clack of her heels alerted the men to her presence. Schmidt was the first to raise his head and he gave a long, low wolf whistle. "Muy caliente, Jessica."

She blushed a little as she registered Nick looking in her direction, bottle paused midway to his next mouthful. His lips were parted a.s he looked her up and down; tight black dress, killer heels, tumbling curls pushed over one shoulder. "Er, thanks Schmidt," she replied quietly.

"So, tonight is the date, right?" he continued.

"Yup," she replied shortly, pulling her mouth into a little awkward smile.

"I must say Jessica, after everything," with this he turned and gave Nick a purposeful stare, "Your taste in men pleasantly surprises me."

Jess shifted her feet a little uncomfortably as he spoke, feeling Nicks's eyes continue to bore into her. "It's just a date Schmidt. Putting myself out there. Moving on. From Spencer." The words tumbled out if her mouth in a rapid stream, tripping against one another in the process.

"Date?" asked Nick, sounding like he had just woken up from a daze.

"Yes, Nicholas, keep up," Schmidt chided.

"With?"

"Who do you think dumbass, Randolf," Schmidt replied exasperatedly.

"Oh..." he replied, his voice trailing off as he spoke, "Well then I guess you look fine. He probably goes for the obvious look," he finished tartly. Jessica looked at him, a surprised expression on her face, what the...

"Like you can talk Nick, I saw the way you were looking at Jess when she walked into the room," Winston chimed in. He still didn't know about their prior arrangement. Jess felt an embarrassed flush spread over her, making her skin burn.

"Yeah, well, um-" Nick began to fumble for words before placing the beer bottle to his lips, muting himself before he could say anything else.

"Whatever," Jess started, shaking her head and feeling confused by Nick's behavior, "I gotta go." She didn't leave time for a reply before she turned and they heard the heavy slam of the apartment door.

"What the hell was that, Nick?" Winston immediately asked, turning to face his friend.

"What? Nothing," Nick said shaking his head and making a grumpy turtle face.

"Didn't seem like nothing to me? To me, it sounded like you were, well, jealous," he eyed Nick, who steadfastly avoided his gaze, his own eyes locked on the commercials that were currently playing on the TV.

"I said drop it Winston," he replied finally, giving him a cool stare as he finished his bottle, "I need another beer," he said, standing up and stomping to the kitchen.

Winston turned to look at Schmidt who was still sat at the table and gave him a quizzical look. Schmidt replied with a shrug, mouthing the words I don't know, as he did so. Although, of course, he knew perfectly well what was wrong with Nick. But he wasn't going to let that ruin the loft dynamic.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want me to..." Randolf flashed his eyes up to the apartment building and raised his eyebrow as Jess began to open the car door.

Twisting her head to him she faked a yawn, "Oh, I'm just so tired," she lied.

"Yeah, I guess it's late," he said reluctantly. Slowly, he started to lean in towards her, edging her back closer to the door as she moved herself out of his zone of proximity. "Jessica..." he began, leaning over her.

"Achoo," she said, faking a sneeze, "Achoo! Achoo!" She gave him a goofy smile, "Oh my allergies, you'd better not come any closer, you might, er, catch them," she said quickly as she fumbled for the door latch.

"Catch your allergies? I don't think that's possible," he mused.

"Er, special allergies," she said, nodding her head, her fingers finally locating the latch, "Okay, good night, thanks for the date," she said curtly with a small smile.

"I'll call you," he offered and she replied by continuing to smile as she slid out of the low slung sports car and dipped into the chill night air. The car began to pull away and Jess rushed into the apartment lobby and headed for the elevator.

* * *

While she searched for her keys, Jess felt relief flood through her. The date had been awkward. Terrible and awkward. The man did not stop talking! About himself mainly, or attempting to name drop celebrities he had worked for and met; designers he was friends with. He had talked so much they had been the last to leave the restaurant so now she was tired and wanted nothing more than to flop into bed and forget the date ever happened.

Dumping her keys on the small table near the door, she kicked off her shoes and stretched out a yawn. Suddenly, she heard a noise coming from the hallway. She stepped forward and stopped, paralyzed when she saw it was Nick.

"Um, hi Nick," she said a little awkwardly.

"Hi Jess," he replied shortly, "How was the date?"

"Great, fantastic even," she lied. He twisted his face and nodded slowly in response. The air went silent. Giving him a small smile, she walked over to the kitchen and placed her purse on the counter top.

He seemed to gather his thoughts and started walking towards the door, "Alright, well, see you later," he replied, picking his coat from the rack.

"You're going out at one a.m.?" she asked, whipping her head round to face him, "Where on earth are you-"

"Caroline," he interjected, "I'm going to see Caroline." She stood, a little stunned as his words sunk in.

"Caroline, your ex, Caroline?"

"Yes, what other Caroline could there be? I called her and she wants to see me."

Jess felt a bubble of frustration rise in her throat. Caroline, the woman who had shattered his heart into a million pieces, turned him into a shell of a man. Why was he calling her? What was he trying-

"Are you insane?" she cried, the words bursting out of her before she had time to think.

"What?" he asked, crumpling his brow.

"I said, are you crazy? She used you, destroyed you."

"Oh, she used me did she? I guess you'd know a thing or two about that," he replied acerbically, turning again towards the door.

"Excuse me?" Jess said sharply, stalking over to where he stood, "What is that supposed to mean?" He could see a flash of anger and passion rising in her pale blue eyes.

"Well, look at us for example, I was pretty useful until someone better came along, right? So I guess I am the guy women use," he shrugged.

"How dare you-that was not even- how can you compare- urgh!" she threw her hands up in frustration as she sought the right response.

"Yeah, I was good until you jumped into bed with the next to guy to come along," he continued, unable to stop himself now.

"What the hell Nick? Where did this came from? I didn't sleep with Randolf!" she shouted, feeling the heat rose in her body.

"Really?"

"No, of course not!"

"Well, you can see why I thought you did, especially after the way you jumped me..."

"I jumped you?" she could feel her blood begin to boil now, "As if!"

"Well it didn't take much did it?" he taunted.

"You jerk. You complete and utter jerk. Go to Caroline and mess yourself up even more than you are now and see if I care," she turned away and stormed back to the kitchen, feeling hot tears forming in her eyes.

As she turned, he immediately felt remorseful. He'd taken it too far, far too far. Insulted her. He didn't mean any of those things - it was merely an outlet for his own frustrations. And now he felt like crap.

"Jessica," he began, slowly following her, "I-"

"What?" She said tartly, her reddened eyes flashing to his, "You want to insult me some more? Bring it on. But you should know, what we had was different. If you think I jump into bed with every guy who comes along, you clearly don't know me that well at all."

Her words stung but he knew she was right. Feeling a wave of regret, he stepped closer. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I've just had a bunch of beers-"

"Yeah, that's your thing isn't it, Nicholas? When life gets tough hide in a bottle of liquor," she was angry now.

"Well hang on a minute, Jessica, I'm trying to apologize, if you'd damn let me."

She took a few deep breaths, calming herself a little, staring into his eyes. She could see the remorse. He took a step closer to her and placed a hand on her arm. Her eyes moved to look at this gesture, before returning to his gaze.

"I apologize. What I said, it was out of line. Completely," he said finally. Slowly she digested his words, focusing on the small dark buttons of his shirt.

"And I apologize for what I said about Caroline, if it makes you happy-" her eyes lowered to the ground as she stopped talking. Slowly, he brought his hand to her chin and raised it so she was looking at him once again. He looked at her and wordlessly saw something, hidden inside her, shining through her still glazed eyes. "If  _she_  makes you happy-" she began again, breathing a little heavier this time.

Her mind clouded as she stared into his dark eyes, what was she trying to say? She forgot. This was the closest they had been to each other in weeks and she felt a familiar longing grow in the pit of her stomach. Teasing her, taunting her.

He waited for her to finish, but she seemed lost in thought. Her bottom lip quivered a little as she felt his hand tighten slightly around her arm. Her heavy breathing tickled the skin exposed by the undone buttons of his shirt. Wordlessly he raised his hand to her shoulder, slipping a finger into the thin strap of her dress and running it up and down its length.

She paused at his gesture, glancing at his hand as it scraped against the soft creaminess of her skin. A moment passed, then another. The burning in her stomach was becoming unbearable, she knew the only thing that would fix it- the only thing to give her some release, some peace, would be to touch his warm skin. To feel his hands roaming her body. To dig her fingers into his hair as he layered her in hot passionate kisses. Feel his body covering her with his own, making her feel compete. He tilted his head so their faces were almost touching, his lips inches from hers.

"Being with you makes me happy Jessica," he said breathlessly.

Sharply, she took in a breath, his words surprising her and thrilling her at the same time. without thinking, she placed her fingers into the belt loops of his pants; hooking them in, locked, so he could not escape.

In her eyes, he could see it. The want. The need. He felt it too. His body ached to feel her close, as it had for these past weeks, when he lay at night unable to sleep, staring up at the ceiling; wishing her warm, soft body were beside him. His hand paused where it had been moving and he swallowed. No, he couldn't, they couldn't, Caroline ...

Before either had time to ruminate further their bodies launched into a passionate, crippling kiss. Her hands cupped his face as his arms wound around her, pressing her body into his, melding them together. A loud, throaty groan escaping his lips as he could feel every inch of her, pliant yet passionate in his arms.

She could feel her heart pounding, blood rushing to her skin- sensitising it further to his touch. As his kisses worked their way down her neck, her skin burned, sending shivers of pleasure through her body. She forgot where she was, when she was, who she was. Her only focus the urgent and eager movements of his lips as they explored her skin.

He felt her body melt into his as he hungrily let his lips roam to all the places he knew she loved. The heavy breathing against his skin and the jerking movements of her body sent waves of bliss through him. His head told him to stop; this was a terrible idea. But his body took over, pushed those thoughts away as he swung her into his arms and marched towards her bedroom.

Inside he quickly pushed the door closed and looked into her eyes; he saw a burning deep inside her. Something raw and primal, it scared him - how much he could see she wanted him. Because he felt the same. He should stop, leave. Nothing could come of this, they were too different...

At that moment, she dug her hands into his hair, so hard it almost hurt. The force causing their mouths to clash against one another, their tongues engaged in furious battle as they each sought something in the other. Solace, fever, passion.

Collapsing onto the bed he tugged at the thin straps of her dress, pulling them down roughly, yanking the top of her dress with them so her back lacy bra was exposed. Looking up, he could see her eyes were dilated, so much so that only a thin ring of azure blue remained. Not wasting a moment, he buried his face in her cleavage; nipping, licking, biting the skin whilst he fumbled with the clasp of her bra and she reached down and rubbed her hands against the growing hardness in his jeans. His eyes rolled back in pleasure at her touch, his breath shuddering a little.

Nimbly, her fingers released the heavy metal buttons of the denim, as her bra slipped open. His hands reached out and touched the sensitive skin of her breasts, causing her to pant as his mouth followed, his other hand impatiently pushing up the tight material of her skirt, hearing it tear a little as he did so. In that moment she felt wanton, giving over to the passion. Her arms flew back over her head, mind swimming in pleasure and delirium. She stopped thinking, letting her body do what it wanted- take what it wanted from him. A release from the feelings of anxiety and disappointment that had recently flooded her heart.

Returning to her mouth, their kisses became a dance of tongues and lips, biting kisses, as fingers dug into flesh. Her hands impatiently pushed his pants to the floor, taking the underwear with him. As she did this, his body flexed against her, hands moving to the curve of her waist, thumbs pressing against the bone of her hips. She pushed herself towards him, wanting to be as close as she could; his hardness against her making her stomach pulsate.

Her head was saying she should stop, pull up her dress and walk away. But her body- her heart, they were louder. We need this, want this. She craved his touch, like a drug. No, her head said, this is wrong, nothing will come of it. He doesn't really want you completely...

But these protests were drowned out by the movements of her body, pushing down her own underwear, drawing his hips into hers. "I want you," she whispered in his ear, "I want you, inside me..." Who was this talking?  _I don't talk this way_ , she thought.

He paused, lifting his mouth from the hot kisses it was placing on her stomach, "Are you sure?" he asked. Nodding, she circled his arms with her fingers and drew him towards her, he was so near her could feel her damp warmness. "Wait..." He whispered. But she paid no heed and and tugged him closer to her, easing him inside her. His mind knew something was forgotten, but the feel of her hot, tight walls crushing against him and her velvet skin, as he raked his hands up and down her body, made him instantly forget his protests.

The ache abated as he slowly filled her, deeper and deeper until he could go no further. The smoothness of skin upon skin causing her head to roll back in abject pleasure, her only focus the melding of their bodies.

The feel of her nails digging into him almost caused Nick to come, there and then. Stilling his body, he regaining some control. He bent his head forward, foreheads almost touching as he began to make achingly slow movements, so slow she was aware of every inch of him filling her as he slid inside. From her mouth escaped small, panting sounds as she moved her hands to the two indentations at the base of his spine, trying to urge him into a more rapid movement.

Selfishly, he ignored her gesture. His gaze fixated on watching her squirm in pleasure beneath him, the way her eyelids fluttered and her lips trembled as he rocked his hips against her.

She was floating, above her body, watching herself react in ways she had not thought possible. Operating purely on instinct, she pulled his neck towards her, plunged her tongue into his mouth so they were joined completely. Immediately he began to thrust quickly into her; rapid, powerful thrusts, so much so her whole body rocked with the sensation. He began to give into his own desires, the feel of her crippling his restraint as his body, slick with sweat, rubbed against her still half worn dress; his shirt, damp, sticking to his skin.

The friction of his movement began to push her over the edge, so satisfying was the sensation. Arching her head, she stared into his eyes as she felt the passion grow in her belly, expanding as his movements tipped her over and the pulsating release of orgasm flooded her body, inside out.

Watching her unravel beneath him, he removed the last iota of restraint he had held and pushed himself faster and faster, the burning building in him finally exploding as his shuddered to a halt, his fists balling into the soft sheets of her bed as his body jerked involuntarily.

Panting, he collapsed onto her, laying small, hot kisses on her neck, as she wordless tried to process what had just happened. Returning to reality, she felt his weight pushing her into the bed, the material of her dress bunched around her waist, the small buttons of his shirt digging into her skin.

There were no words that could express that moment, so each lay still as the seconds ticked by, before he began to peel himself away, slowly pulling out of her. Then he remembered what had been forgotten in the heat if the moment.

"Jess," he said seriously, eyes flashing to her face, "We didn't use a condom." Realisation flooded her face, how foolish, she was always safe, doubly safe, thank God.

"It's okay," she whispered, "I'm on the pill, don't worry." Relief flooded him as she pushed her hair back from her face.

"Oh, good," he replied quietly as he sunk back into the mattress. No more words passed and eventually they both slipped off their remaining clothing and curled under the covers, falling into fitful sleep.

* * *

Yawning, she stretched the crick in her neck as a light pounding began in her head. It was still dark out, too early to be awake. Why had she woken? Then she felt a stirring beside her. Nick. Her cheeks burned with the memory of what they had done only hours earlier. What had come over her?

She felt him move and slide his feet off the bed. He was trying to be quiet; to sneak out, she thought in cool realization. In the darkness she could hear him searching for his clothes, turning over to face him she watched his outline bend over and start pulling on his jeans, left at the foot of the bed. As he finished buttoning the fly, his eyes lifted until he became aware of her watching him. He froze.

"Oh, hey Jess," he said simply whilst she pushed herself a little further up the bed, holding the covers to retain some modesty.

"Hey," she replied shortly as he dipped down and picked up his shirt from where it lay on her side table. "Going?" she finished, seemingly incapable of more than one word a sentence in that moment. He nodded in response.

"Yeah, I thought before, you know-"

"Yeah," she echoed. Her fingers playing with the soft cotton of her comforter as he shrugged on his shirt.

"Jess, about earlier, I-"

"I'm sorry," she blurted out, "I don't know what came over me," she dropped her gaze as the flush once again rose in her.

"Oh, well, I..." he fumbled for words as he tried to think. He hadn't expected her to say that. He was going to tell her that he meant what he said about her; she was special. But instead he stood there like an idiot, gawking. "I'm sorry too then," he finally said.

As he confirmed her fears that he knew this shouldn't have happened, a ball of anxiety grew in her belly and a fixed smile lay on her lips. "We should never-" she began.

"No," he found himself saying involuntarily.

"I mean, Caroline..."

"Yeah, you're right. I guess it was the argument, the beers..."

"I'd had a few glasses of wine," she offered sadly as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and nodded in agreement. The conversation petered out - neither satisfied, though both feeling they had done what they needed to protect themselves, their pride. As he reached for the door he raised his hand to say goodbye before slipping into the cool air of the corridor.

When the door closed, Jess slid back down the bed and her hand moved to the crumpled sheets were he had lain and her fingers balled together in them.  _You silly, silly girl_  she chided herself. Why did you do that? Why? She forced her head back into the pillow as she recounted the events of that evening.

The only solace she found was that she had saved face; she'd preempted him saying it was a mistake by doing it herself. She hoped and wished that she would soon forget this ever happened. But in her heart, she knew she couldn't.

* * *

Throwing back his own covers, Nick dove into bed, his mind a confused mess of emotions and memories. No, he didn't regret what had happened, it wasn't a mistake. Why did he lie to her? He knew the answer - he was never the one to put his emotions on the line. Ever. That was a mistake, he told himself as he tried to switch off his mind and fall asleep. But he knew that was a lie as she pervaded his dreams, seemingly taunting him even in unconsciousness.

* * *

**How to avoid the obvious**

* * *

Listening for the soft slam of her door, he took a deep breath and headed into the hallway, striding quickly towards the bathroom. He had waited exactly 22 minutes for Jess to return to her room. Twenty-two minutes of his ear straining at the door while he waited for the soft sound of her footsteps returning from her morning shower.

Normally, the morning dance of avoidance was not this complicated. Jess commonly left the loft before he even awoke, making it easy for him to almost pretend she didn't live torturously close to him across the hallway. Later it was even easier; a glut of late shifts had meant that in the three and a half weeks since  _that_ night they had barely spent ten minutes in the same room, exchanging perfunctory greetings only. However, today he needed to be at the bar early to take a delivery, so a little purposeful hiding was required.

He twisted the knob of the shower and shivered as the chilled water cascaded over his body – Jess must have used up all the hot water. His eyes rolled back as he imagined she stood in this exact spot only minutes earlier, naked. Thank God the water was cold. Rubbing the soap over his body he worked quickly, his mind resting on the topic that had occupied it so much recently.  _Her_  and what had happened. He had run the events of that night over and over in his head so many times it hurt. Still, his body ached at the memory of their last night together, but it was quickly overtaken by a different ache. An ache of longing, knowing she didn't want him, didn't see him as anything but- well, he wasn't even sure what they had, had been.

Reaching his face, he rubbed the thick stubble that coated it, he hadn't shaved in days; the scruff he normally sported was replaced with the beginnings of a thick beard. He made a mental note to shave at some point as he quickly stopped the flow of water and pushed back the curtain.

* * *

She knew he was avoiding her. It was subtle in a way, one that could be excused by work and other such commitments but when compared to his previous schedule the contrast was stark. It felt strange not seeing him – on the couch watching a game with Winston - drinking a Heisler, in the kitchen arguing with Schmidt; even at the bar. Yes, she too was playing the avoidance game. Invitations to come for a drink at Clyde's were rebuffed by protestations of too much work or plans with Cece.

Brushing out her hair, she sighed and looked into her dresser mirror. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. It was supposed to be fun, friends helping friends. But now it was just weird. She accepted that nothing more would happen – they had each admitted as much the night all those weeks ago. But it hurt that for some reason they couldn't move past this, couldn't be something other than whatever it was they were before.

Moving over to the bed, she picked up her black stockings and began to roll them over her slim, pale legs. Although she had changed her sheets since that night, her bed remained a vivid reminder of that final night. Never had she felt so passionate, so hot, so desired… A hot flush went through her. Pursing her lips she let the heat dissipate as she mused over how two people can come together so perfectly … and the disappointment that it can be nothing more.

Finally standing up, she slid on her shoes and gave herself one last look.  _Well Jessica Day, I guess you can't have everything,_ she thought as she left her room. Hoping, inside, that soon things might return to some semblance of normal.

* * *

The slam of the loft door was his signal the coast was clear; he buttoned his plaid shirt (only worn twice) and headed to the kitchen for a cup of strong, black coffee to chase away the remaining tired ache that filled his body. Flicking the kettle switch, he heaped a spoon of dark, intensely flavoured granules into the cafetiere on the countertop and waited for the water to boil.

"Nick, man, where  _have_ you been hiding?"

The sound of Winston's voice caused Nick to spin round on the spot, spoon in hand. "Hey, Winnie," he said with a small grimace. Although he had been avoiding Jess, it also meant he had been avoiding the other loft mates.

"Man, you look like crap," continued Winston as he pulled open a cupboard and grabbed his own cup.

"Thanks," replied Nick as he rubbed at his still unshaven face. "Workin' on the rugged look."

"More like hobo," Winston chuckled. The kettle clicked and Nick made a pot of coffee, pushing the plunger down slowly before filling the two cups with the black, silky liquid. Both men made their way over to the table and sat around the corner, Winston placing that day's newspaper in front of him.

"So, really, where have you been? I feel like I've barely seen you man."

"Just work, you know, long shifts," Nick replied weakly, taking a sip of his still too hot coffee, burning his mouth a little.

"So it has nothing to do with a certain brunette…"

"What? What do you mean-"

"Seriously, do you think I'm blind? I know about Jess."

"You do? Was it Schmidt?" Nick sighed, pushing his face into his hands.

"Of course I knew man, it's been so obvious. Schmidt, what does he know?"

Nick groaned a little. This wasn't exactly the conversation he wanted to have this morning; he'd hoped that he would only have Schmidt's disapproving stares to contend with. "It's over Winston; it was just sex, a rebound thing. Nothing is going on right now."

"What?!" Winston cried, crashing his cup onto the wooden table. Nick felt a cool stream of realization, no, he hadn't known.

"Uh-"

"YOU and JESS? Hooking up? Since when?" Winston asked, his voice high pitched, leaning over the table closer to Nick.

"A few weeks after she moved in-"

"A FEW WEEKS?" Winston was practically shouting now,

"But it's over, has been for-for a while now."

It went quiet and Winston began to display an expression of confusion and deep thought on his face. "I need a minute to process this," he began, "Man, I am your best friend, why didn't you tell me? And SCHMIDT knew?"

"Oh man," Nick said shaking his head, "It was never, you know-It wasn't," he struggled for the words, "It didn't mean anything, wasn't important."

"Don't lie to me Nick - I see the way you look at her! I thought all you were going to say was you had a thing for her."

They both locked eyes and he could see the disbelief in Winston's face. "Fine. You want the truth? I think she's amazing. It started out as just a thing, some fun. But stupid Nick Miller started to fall for her and guess what? That's not what she wants. So yes, I am avoiding her, thanks for asking." With that, Nick stomped away from the table and threw the rest of his coffee into the sick, feeling a wave of sickness after admitting what he hadn't admitted to anyone before.

"Wait," his friends' voice, came closer to him, "I'm sorry man, I didn't realize…"

"Well, thanks again Winnie," Nick said with a wry smile turning to face him, "I'll be fine. I just need to stay out of her hair for a little longer. It's a little torturous you know, seeing her around."

Winston felt a wave of sympathy for his friend and walked over and grabbed his shoulder, "Okay man, sorry again. If you need anything…"

Nick shook his head, "Nah, just to get to work," and with that he began to walk towards the loft door.

* * *

She slid into her car, feet aching and a long day of teaching behind her. All she wanted now was a glass of wine and to unwind. Thankfully, she had arranged to meet Cece for dinner and drinks at a bar near her house – no chance of heading to Clyde's, at least not anytime soon.

As much as she tried to keep thoughts of Nick separate in her mind, it was hard. Her car, for example, had been the site of more than one of their rendezvous – thanks to its large trunk. The bar, well that was obvious – it was where he worked, where they had first,  _decided._ Even more than that, it was the chill of the wind on her skin that reminded her of his kisses, the rub of the rough material of her skirt against her waist – so similar to the feel of- She shook her head to scatter the thoughts.

Shifting the car into drive, she released the handbrake and coasted out of the school parking lot. A queasy feeling rose in her – hunger, most likely. The plate of wings Cece had promised her seeming more appetizing as the seconds ticked by.

* * *

The rose wine slid down her throat, filling her mouth with bursts of peach and strawberry as she lay back in the soft leather of the booth. Cece had watched in amusement as she wolfed down the chicken wings like she hadn't eaten in a month. "Whoa girl, slow down, you're going to give yourself indigestion!" she laughed as she took yet another spicy wing in her hands.

"Sorry," Jess said with a little smile, "I'm just soo hungry lately!"

"So I can see," Cece replied taking a sip of her own white wine, "But it's not a famine, you can take your time." Jess blushed and nodded. "So how are things in the loft then?"

"Oh, great," she lied, licking her lips a little and taking a stick of celery in her hand, "Fantastic even."

"Uh-huh," Cece nodded, eying her suspiciously, "And Nick?"

"What about him?" Jess asked, flipping her head to face her friends.

"How is  _that_  going?"

"Going? It's not going. I told you already."

"You said that you didn't t _hink_ he wanted anything more, and that was weeks ago."

Jess played with the glass in her hand, twirling it back and forth before she faced her friend. "Okay, so we slept together again. But it was weeks ago, and it meant nothing!"

"Oh Jess," Cece said, shaking her head, "Sex never means nothing to you. Look how long it took for you to lose your virginity!"

Jess blushed at Cece's assertion, knowing she was right. Burying her face into her shoulder, she continued, "I was feeling twirly and he had said I made him happy."

"See, I knew it," Cece put a triumphant look on her face, "I KNEW he liked you. I can tell these things," she finished tearing into another wing.

"But then, we both realized it was a huge mistake, and that was like three, almost four weeks ago and we've not-" Jess stopped midsentence. Three weeks? Had it really been that long? But-

"Yeah right, you know-" she stopped when she saw the expression on her friends face, "You okay Jess?"

Jess waved her hand at her as she began to count in her head, using her fingers as markers. Finally she took a deep breath, "Oh crap."

"Oh crap what?" Cece asked, leaning closer to her friend, "What's wrong?" Jess felt the queasiness from earlier rise, unable to speak, her heart racing.  _No, no way, not possible, couldn't be, never, dammit…._

Eventually her heart rate slowed enough for her to say, "I'm late."

"Late?" Cece asked quizzically, until she clocked the expression on Jess's face, "Ohhh," she finished slowly, reaching out and placing a hand on top of hers. "Are you sure?"

"I guess," she replied breathlessly, the room spinning now a little as a kind of panic set in, "I mean, it must be at least five, six weeks since… I'm never late Cece. Never," she gave Cece a pleading stare.

Silently Cece grabbed her purse, pulling her friend up from the table, "There's only one way to find out," she said, leading her to the door.

* * *

The line in Walgreens was long and Jess had fidgeted and twisted the whole time before practically running back to her car with Cece. They went to the models apartment – they couldn't really head back to the loft and Cece had left Jess in the bathroom with the all-important little white stick.

Finally, she had emerged, test in hand and slunk over to the sofa where her friend awaited. Thankfully, the other occupants of the apartment were out.

They sat next to each other as the seconds ticked by, each unsure really what to say.

Cece broke the silence, "Jess, I wouldn't worry, you're probably just stressed. That can make you period late."

"Yeah," she replied in a whisper, thankful for her friend's attempts at soothing her anxiety. "Stress, that's probably it. I'm worrying for nothing."

"And, in any case," he friend continued, "Would it be the end of the world? You want kids right? You're not getting any younger…"

"Cece, this wasn't really how I imagined it happening, you know, I wanted a relationship, a partner…"

"Well, things don't always turn out the way you want, but we make the best of it," she replied sagely as she pulled Jess closer to her and placed a kiss on her head.

A few more minutes passed before Jess spoke again, "Okay, it's time," she turned and held out the stick to Cece, "Can you, please?"

Cece nodded and took it from her hands, slowly turning it over, her expression unchanging until she lowered it and locked eyes with Jess. Pursing her lips, she spoke as she showed Jess the test, "Positive."

Jess's stomach dropped as she took in the two clear, blue lines standing starkly on the white background, another, heavier nauseous wave hitting her.

"Oh God, oh God…" she mumbled. Cece wrapped her arms around her friend and pulled her close, listening as Jess began to let out silent tears, her body gently shaking. Finally, she pulled back and with slightly reddened eyes spoke, "What am I going to do?"

"I don't know Jess," Cece spoke as she pushed the hair out of her friend's eyes, "But I know you need to speak to him. It's his child too."

_Child._ Oh that word, s _he was carrying a child. His child._  How had this happened?

Taking a deep breath, she nodded, knowing her friend was right, but having no idea how to tell him.

* * *

**How to start being honest**

* * *

Forty-eight hours. That was the deadline that Cece had given her to tell Nick. The sooner the better, she had reminded Jess, and Jess knew she was right. She wasn't the kind of girl who could keep a guy in the dark about this sort of thing – no matter what she decided.

The next day was Saturday, traditionally a time of sleeping in and reviewing the weekend newspaper on the couch with a large pot of fresh tea. But this Saturday morning she had lain in bed, watching the sun creep further into her room, stretching shadows across the floor; her mind trying to work out what to say – how to tell him.

Everything, inevitably, was made harder by the chill in their relationship over recent weeks. If they had still been close she could have managed to slip it into a conversation –somehow – and go from there. However as things stood, she needed to find a reason to talk to him, get him alone and then break the news – it seemed she was pregnant.

Listening to the comings and goings of Schmidt and Winston as they brewed cups of coffee and talked about their plans for the weekend, she strained to hear his voice join them. She knew he hadn't worked late last night; his keys had been on the table by the door when she returned. So she half expected him to be up early for a change, yet he stubbornly remained in his room.

Her mouth felt like cotton wool and she remembered she had forgotten to brush her teeth last night, so sighing, she shuffled to the end of her bed and slipped her feet into her fluffy slippers, deciding a trip to the bathroom was in order. In the hallway she heard the sound of Winston returning to his room and when his door slammed shut, she took the handle of her own door in her hand and pulled it towards her.

"Argh," she cried as stepping into the hall, who should choose that exact moment to leave his own room, but Nick, "Argghhh—hiiiii," she continued, trying to sound natural, "Uh, hi Nick," she finished, clearing her throat.

"Hi Jess," he said, nodding his head as they awkwardly stood across from each other. He looked like he was about to move so she spoke again.

"So how are you? Isn't it a great morning? I was going to brush my teeth, I bet you were going to get some coffee or something," she asked in a rapid spiel, finishing with a tight smile.

"Um, well I'm great and yes, I'm going to get some coffee," he said a little awkwardly.

"Great, nothing sets a day up like coffee," she replied, stumped for what to say next.

"Yeah, I guess not," he nodded, turning to move away. Reaching out, she put a hand on his arm, turning he looked at her with his warm brown eyes and she felt her stomach jump a little, so close was he, she could smell his masculine mix of cologne and beer.

"Hey, can we talk?" she asked in a high pitched voice, he cocked his head and observed her curiously.

"Okay - now?" he asked.

Her heart thumping, she nodded, "Yeah, maybe we could actually…"

"Hey, you two finally talking again?" came Winston's voice as he approached them from his room, clutching his mug of coffee.

"Um, just saying hi," smiled Jess awkwardly.

"You two," he said, shaking his head as he walked between them. Jess watched him turn into the kitchen and felt her nerves fail her.

"So, you want to talk?" Nick asked, gazing at her intently. A wave of confusion passed over her and she began to wave her hand at him.

"Actually, you know it can wait 'til later," she said, pushing her hands into her pajama pants pockets.

"You sure?" he said, his voice taking on a tone of concern as he spoke, his eyes softening as he looked at her.

"Yeah, it can," she assured him, nodding,  _for a little while at least, s_ he told herself.

* * *

That night she had finally taken up Schmidt on his offer of a few drinks at the bar, he had looked as surprised as she felt when she had accepted the invitation. From practically avoiding Nick she was now seeking out ways to talk to him. As the day had progressed she had felt more and more anxious at the idea of the conversation: she just wanted it over and done with, so to the bar she went.

Sitting in a booth, with Winston and Schmidt, she tried to relax; it had been so long since she had been to Clyde's she had to admit she kind of missed it. Before they had a chance to head to the bar Nick appeared, a tray in his hand.

"Hey guys, got your drinks," he placed a beer in front of each of the guys and picked up a glass of rose wine for Jess, "Two Heislers and a pink wine-"

"Actually, Nick," she interrupted, "Can I just get a soda? I'm feeling a little, er, off color tonight." He looked at her oddly, Jess never refused her favorite wine, but he pulled a turtle face and picked up the offending glass and nodded.

"Sure Jess, no problem," he replied and moved off to change the drink.

"What's up Jess, a new health kick? You know how I'm always trying to get you to eat better," Schmidt chided, digging an elbow lightly in her ribs.

"Knock it of Schmidt, everyone can have a night off once in a while," she replied, a little annoyed.

"Okay, okay," he laughed in response, resuming his conversation with Winston as Jess watched Nick continue to walk away.

* * *

"Hey Nick," Jess called after him as he walked away from the bar, about to take his break in the office. He turned around to see her hurrying after him, "Wait up," she cried.

"Hey Jess, what do you want?" he asked, as he finally caught up with him.

"I, I, err-" she fumbled for the words. Seeing him walk away from the bar, she saw her chance to talk to him. Okay, so the bar wasn't perhaps the right place but, hell, she had to do it. Had to. "Can we talk?" she asked.

His face took on a serious expression and he nodded as his hand reached for the office door, "Sure, c'mon, it's quiet in here," he said, gesturing for her to follow him.

"Thanks," she whispered, following him inside. He sank himself into the old office chair beside the crowded desk to the right of the room and she gingerly sat on the overstuffed couch at its center. It was low slung and she almost fell back into it, such was the difference between her height in heels and the distance to the seat. She took a look around, never having been in this area before. The walls were a dark green color, adorned with pictures of old sports stars and newspaper cuttings. The floor of the room was scattered with a variety of mismatched chairs and in one corner sat a small table with a coffee maker and a few cups.

"Coffee?" he asked as he saw her eye the table.

"No," she shook her head, "Um, trying to cut down."

She could practically here the tick of the second hand of her watch as he waited for her to speak. Tick-tock, tick-tock - seconds flying by as she scrambled for the right introduction. "Well, so, you know I wanted to talk to you."

"Uh-huh," he nodded.

"Well," she said placing her hands in her lap, "It's like this." Suddenly, she stood up and began to pace a little, his eyes narrowed as he watched her. "You know our arrangement that we had."

"Yep," he said with tight lips, his voice pitching up a little, "I do…"

"Well, since, that, um, ended, I…" her voice wavered.  _How the hell do you tell a guy this? How the hell do you tell a guy_ you are not involved with,  _this?_

"Yeah?" he prompted her to continue.

"Well, since then, there may have been a change in circumstances."

"Circumstances?"

"Yes, my circumstances…" her voice trailed off.

Nick stood up, his face twisting, "Look Jess, if you are trying to tell me you are dating someone you don't need to make a song and dance of it – you made it clear that you weren't interested-"

"No, no, I'm NOT dating anyone," her voice got a little louder as she spoke, "It's more serious than that."

"So…" he began, his mind racing, "What, are you sick? Oh my God Jess, it that it, you're sick?"

"No, well, not exactly…" she replied softly.

"Not exactly?"

"Well, sickness may be part of it," she looked up at him with her big blue eyes, watery and pale, she looked scared, he thought. Tired, worried, wait…

"Wait, do you mean-are you…"

"Nick, I might be pregnant," she spoke rapidly, words tumbling out.

His face froze as the he took in what she said, the color draining from him as his brain struggled to comprehend her meaning. He closed his eyes and began to shake his head.

"Um, okay, just wait a minute…"

"And it could only be yours," she finished, holding her breath.

Waiting for him to respond was torture, she saw his face rotate through a cycle of emotions that she couldn't really define, he stood still, rooted to the spot, his mouth silently trying to form words as her heart sank further and further.

Finally, she couldn't take it any longer, "This was a stupid idea, I'm, I'm sorry," she began as she yanked the door open and ran out of the room. He watched, dazed, as she ran away.

"Jess, wait, I need to talk to you!"

* * *

She hid in her bed, knees pulled up to her chin, covers wrapped around her, as if to provide protection from some unknown enemy. As much as Jessica Day thought herself as a strong, independent woman, in this moment she felt like a child who had made a mistake and just admitted it to her teacher. It was so irrational, that she knew. It takes two to tango, she chuckled – but unfortunately in this tango there was only one person who would pay the organ grinder.

Clutching the covers tighter to her, she shivered a little in the cool, dark room, the only light from a sliver of silver shining from the full moon outside. Looking out of the window, she could see the stars beginning to form in the sky, twinkling away, without a problem in the world.  _If only I could escape to a star, far away –_ she scoffed at her own silliness.  _Yeah right Day, get with the real world._

A squeak of floorboard in the hallway made her freeze – so lost in her own thoughts she had not heard the loft door open. Who could it- Her question was answered as she heard a soft rapping on the door.

"Jess," came his low, silky drawl, "Can I come in?"

She didn't answer,  _if I'm quiet, he will go away and I can deal with this later, s_ he told herself. But he didn't go away.

"Jess, I know you're in there – I can hear you breathing."

Finally, she conceded, "Okay," she whispered and the door slowly creaked open, leaking light into the room until he closed it behind him. He stood by the door, seemingly unsure what he was allowed to do now, all that was visible to her was a shadowy outline.

"Jess, I need- we need to talk," he said softly.

She whimpered a little in response. Slowly she heard him move closer to her and sit at the edge of her bed, far enough away to preserve her personal space, his face half lit by the moonlight.

"What you said, is it true?"

"Of course, I mean, why one earth would I make up such a thing, I-" her voice began to rise, the tension bubbling in her throat as she grasped the blanket tightly in her hands.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he apologized, "That was the wrong question… I apologize for how I reacted. It wasn't cool. Actually, I'm embarrassed by it."

She adjusted the blanket, tucking it under her legs, sniffing a little before she spoke again, "Nick, I know this is unexpected," she raised her gaze to meet his, "I mean, this is  _not_  the way I thought this would go, or that I'd – we'd end up in this situation… But we are and I thought you should know," she paused for a moment, "And, to be clear, I don't expect anything from you, nothing. I just thought you should know."

He pushed himself a little closer to her, "Jess, what do you mean, you don't expect anything from me?" His voice had a serious tone and though she couldn't see his face she could tell it held a pained expression.

"Well, I know you don't see me that way, I mean, that's the impression you always gave. I'm a big girl, I understand that," she felt herself begin to shake a little at her honest words; the first time she had told him exactly what she thought.

"Wait a minute," he shook his head in confusion, "I think it was you who said, on more than one occasion, that this meant nothing to you, that  _we_  were nothing but a hook up. And I respected that- though it almost killed me," her breath slowed as she listed carefully to him, "But how could you not have known I'm crazy about you, Jess?"

"Really? It almost killed you, why?" she asked, disbelievingly, her breath coming in short ragged gasps.

"Jess I've never met anyone like you," he rubbed his face in his hands, "The time we spent together was amazing and I, well, I thought it was obvious - my feelings for you , I thought that you just didn't-" his voice halted as he looked at her, so small and vulnerable bundled up a blanket.

"No, I mean, I didn't but, I thought –you know, what you said to Schmidt…"

"As if I would tell him anything about my feelings Jess – have you met the guy? I love him, but…" he rubbed his hands on his knees nervously. "Of course I'm surprised at what you told me, I mean, I thought we were careful, but please, never think you are alone. I care about you, Jess."

"Really?" she said again, her breath catching in her throat, the full gravity of his words hitting her and sinking her body into the soft mattress.

"Yes, really," he said quietly.

"I didn't know." A thick layer of tension filled the room as both parties considered the conversation so far. Her eyes darted around the room as the realization hit her. "So, when you said it was all just a rebound…"

"I was just saying what I thought you wanted to hear," he admitted, "I thought you weren't interested and-," he sighed, "I'm just scared of getting burned, Jess."

"Me too," she replied softly, "So what does this all mean?" she asked, somewhat still confused but hopeful for something, though she wasn't sure what.

"Well, I don't know Jess, we obviously have a lot to talk about, but, I guess the question now is –how do you feel about me?"

Her heart thudded as the seconds ticked by. He'd admitted he cared about her, that it wasn't just a rebound. But did that mean he really wanted more? Memories of Spencer's betrayal still lingered in her heart, holding her back, making her question whether she could truly open it to another man, especially so soon. She looked at his face, open, honest, showing no expectation but so familiar and comforting she felt a smile grow across her face.

"I-I care about you too, Nick," she said and she could hear him gasp a little at her words, "I'm sorry, I feel this is all a big mess, a huge mess, it started out so good and-"

Her words were ended as his warm mouth covered her own with a deep, searching kiss – all at once amorous, yet at the same time  _so_  different. She could  _feel_ the emotion behind it; feel his tenderness, his want, his passion for her as if his lips spoke a language only hers could understand. Pulling her against him, she shifted into his lap, his hand entwined in her thick locks as she rested her face on his chest, breathing heavily.

Wrapped in his embrace, she gained strength from him, the heat radiating from his body chasing the chill in her blood away. She looked up at his half lit face, a small smile playing at his lips and in that moment she at once felt the truth of his words and the foolishness of both their actions.

"We're idiots," she sighed, "All this time we both were trying to second guess each other-"

"Yeah," he said, placing a warm, soft kiss on her lips that spread a warm glow through her, making her skin tingle, "And it only took a whole heap of drama for us to be honest."

"Yeah," she whispered into his shirt, "Nick, I don't know what this is, but I could kick myself, it's been torture…"

"Torture for you?" he replied, "I've been living in my own kind of hell for weeks now. Waiting for my feelings for you to go away…"

"Feelings…You have feelings for me?" she clutched him a little closer.

"Yeah Jess, I have romantic feelings for you, you're- you're amazing…"

This time, it was her lips that stopped his, urgent lips, drinking from him, her fingers digging into his back, taking all the frustration and confusion of the last weeks out on his bruised mouth. Breaking apart they breathed heavily against each other.

"I think we have a lot to talk about Nick," she said, looking up at him.

"Agreed but right now, I think we need to discuss other, more pressing issues," he said, looking down at her.

"Yeah," she sighed, burrowing her head into his shoulder.

"So, you're sure?" he asked.

"Well, I did a test… They're pretty accurate."

"Okay," he said kissing her on the forehead, wanting to hold her and take her worries away, "Well, I think we need to see a doctor, soon."

"Yeah, I think that would be a good idea," she agreed, giving him a smile, feeling eternally grateful for the way he had responded. "I'll call Sadie tomorrow."

"Good," he stoked her hair as her eyes began to flutter a little, "You tired?"

"Yeah," she admitted, "Long day."

"Go to sleep, I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay," she nodded, "Nick," she looked up at him a wondering expression on her face, "Thank you for being so, so good about this."

"How else would I be? We're in this together," and he pulled her closer as she began to drift off.

* * *

As he watched her breathing slow and sleep take over, he marvelled at the strange events of the day. Starting with the two barely speaking, ending with her curled in his arms and the possibility of a lifelong commitment between two who had struggled so hard to express their feelings for one another.

He was scared, inside – yes, he had hidden it but he knew it was true. Also, he knew that whatever was going on between them was far from resolved, but in that moment, he was happy to just be and let tomorrow worry about itself.

* * *

**How to get things in the open**

* * *

While her fingers anxiously tapped the table, she slowly sipped her now lukewarm tea. Her eyes flashed to the large round clock that hung from the bare brick wall; the seconds seemed to be stretching out more slowly than she had ever experienced. Beside her lay a bowl, loaded with fresh fruit and yogurt, left mostly untouched as her stomach twisted and churned in nervous anticipation.

The loft was silent apart from the regular click of the second hand as it worked its way teasingly around the smiling face of the clock. Although it was still early, Schmidt had already left for his pre-work gym session and Winston still hadn't returned from his night shift. She was effectively alone with her thoughts and with her fears.

Wearily she stood and walked over to the kitchen with her dishes, scooping the remains of her breakfast into the trash can before placing both items on the countertop. All the while, her body felt leaden, unfamiliar; like it wasn't her own. Today didn't seem like reality – was she actually still asleep? Was she in her bed right now, enveloped in some kind of strange dream? She let out a strained chuckle as she trudged back to her room to finish getting ready; things like this don't happen to Jessica Day, no sir, they don't. But, she realized sharply – they do, they have, and they did.

Just as she was stepping into her room she heard the squeak of Nick's door as it swung open, surprising her and causing her to spin around. "Jess, what time is it?" he yawned, his eyes closed; stretching up his arms, revealing a glimpse of tanned abdomen.

"Um," she shook her head, composing herself after his unexpected presence, "It's eight – why are you up so early?" she asked, folding her arms as she did.

Still yawning, he scratched at the layer of dark stubble that was beginning to form on his cheeks and rested one arm on the doorframe, "Today's your appointment right?"

"Yeah…" she replied, uncertainly. "It's at 9:30."

"Okay, well, just give me some time to shower and grab a cup of coffee-"

"What? You want to come, you don't have to do that-"

Immediately his face dropped, "What, you don't want me there?"

She unfolded her arms and started to play with the hem of her short, blue skirt. One shoulder rose in a half shrug as she replied, "Well, I just- I mean, you don't have to. I wasn't expecting you to."

Mulling over her words he nodded and raised his hand to his hip, his eyes scanning the floor before he looked up again and caught her gaze, "What if I  _want_  to come with you?" he asked quietly.

"Oh, well, I mean, if you  _want_ to…"

"I do," he admitted, "Like I said, I'm in this with you. I'm not gonna let you go through this alone."

A warm glow began to slowly spread through her as the meaning of his words hit her.  _I'm in this with you._ He wasn't burying his head in the sand, he wasn't ignoring the situation and hoping it would go away. He was behaving like a mature, caring adult and in that moment she felt the stirring flutter of unfamiliar feelings awakening within her.

"Nick, I'd actually really appreciate that. If I'm honest I'm pretty nervous," she told him. Carefully he stepped forward and placed a warm hand on her arm, looking down at her with a half-smile.

"Well, you're not the only one. But we can't avoid this," he gently squeezed her arm and a sensation of calm descended at his touch. "Okay, give me twenty minutes," he finished before turning off down the hall to the bathroom.

Lying back against her bedroom door, she closed her eyes and sighed deeply. This different side to Nick was sending her into a state of confusion– it had done that since the moment she had told him, since the night when he had held her until she fell asleep, and awoken her the next day with a fresh cup of tea. A smile curved at her lips as she considered this behavior, so unexpected yet so welcome at the same time.

* * *

The waiting room at Sadie's practice was quiet, being early as it was. The only other occupant of the grey covered chairs that lined the walls of the room was a heavily pregnant woman who was holding a copy of  _Baby and Me_  magazine in one hand, whilst in the other was a large candy bar which she was slowly working her way through.

At the farthest end of the room from the door, they sat side by side, listening to the quiet hum of the non-descript music that filled the room. Her eyes wandered around, taking in the posters and signs that adorned the walls, "Breast is best!" screamed one poster in vivid red lettering, a wide eyed baby suckling at their mother's breast beneath. Next to it was a picture showing a silhouette of a woman with a large bump sipping from a wine glass, the caption read, "Does your baby like to drink?"

Jess dropped her eyes and reached over to the table beside her, picking up a copy of  _Pregnancy_  magazine and mindlessly thumbing through the pages of happy looking women, softly caressing their stomachs and beaming for the camera. A hot flush quickly enveloped her. Immediately, she flipped the magazine closed and tossed it to her side, pushing her hands into her lap and toying with the leather strap of her purse.

"Jessica Day?" came the nurse's voice across the room; instinctively Jess stood up, clearing her throat as she did.

"That's me," she said, stretching back her arm, reaching for Nick and taking hold of his warm, strong hand as her heart thudded.

"Come this way," the nurse replied; Jess turned to Nick and gave him an anxious smile as he stood up. As they walked, he slipped an arm over her shoulder and squeezed it gently. Bending closer to her, he whispered in her ear.

"It's gonna be okay," he promised.

Sadie's office was flooded with light, the large airy room designed to make the experience of visiting an OBGYN as pleasant as possible with its cheerful décor and relaxed atmosphere. As they stepped inside, Sadie immediately came forward and hugged Jess, squeezing her tight and placing a kiss on her cheek. "Jess, I feel like I haven't seen you in the longest time, honey!" she exclaimed as she stepped backwards.

"Yeah, it's been a while right?" Behind her Nick coughed lightly and she remembered he was also in the office, "Sadie this is my, er, roommate Nick." Stepping forward, Nick held out a hand which Sadie grasped firmly and shook.

"Nice to finally meet you," she gestured to the two chairs in front of her desk, "Come, sit." As they all shuffled into their seats, Nick and Jess eyed each other, giving small nervous smiles as Sadie opened up a large, manila file on her desk, her eyes scanning the information inside before she finally closed it and joined her hands together.

"So, you came in yesterday and had some blood taken," she said.

"Uh-huh," Jess replied, nodding rapidly.

"Well," Sadie began, reopening the folder and running her finger across the lines of typed text, "I'm not sure how to tell you this, but," she looked up and gave Jess a straight mouthed smile, "You're not pregnant."

The silence that this statement created was such that you could have heard a pin drop. Without a word Jess began to open and close her mouth, shocked, unsure what to say at first. "Um, Sadie, I took a test, I mean, I thought the blood work was just a formality," she finally said, a giddy feeling beginning to settle in her stomach, pushing the sick feeling from earlier away.

"Normally it is, home tests are very accurate these days," the other woman replied, "I actually had them run the bloods twice to make sure. But I can assure you, you are not pregnant."

Jess began to giggle softly; turning to Nick she grabbed hold of his hand, "Did you hear that? I'm not pregnant. Not pregnant. Oh my God…"

At that moment there was a knock at the door and the nurse who had earlier called Sadie came into the room, "I'm sorry Sadie, can I borrow you for a second? Mrs. Masterson is here and has a question about her medication."

Placing her hands on the desk, Sadie stood up, "Sure, Amy," she looked at Nick and Jess, "Will you excuse me for a second?" before following Amy back into the waiting area.

As the door closed the two remaining occupants of the room stared at each other, Jess's giggle turning into a full blown belly laugh as the giddy feeling flooded out of her. "I'm not pregnant, argh!" she cried, her hands pressing against her temple as her eyes searched the room.

"No siree, you are not," Nick laughed, watching Jess's face spiral though expressions of disbelief. Without thinking, she reached forward and pulled Nick into a hug, leaning over and pressing herself against him. Surprised, he was thrown for a second before he wound his own arm around hers and settled into the embrace.

A hot flush coursed through Jess as she felt Nick's proximity; his breath on her neck, the feel of his arms as they coiled around her. Stiffly she began to disentangle herself from him and shuffling into her chair. "Sorry, I got a bit carried away…" she explained.

Nick swallowed and began to rub his hands on pants, "It's fine," he smiled, "I think I'm still in a state of shock here…"

"You are?" she cried, letting out a deep sigh and sinking back into the cushions of her chair, "I don't think I have ever been so anxious and worried about something." She shook her head, "Wow."

The two sat in quiet contemplation for a moment; each one's mind running through scenarios of what if's and maybes, each feeling, though hidden deep inside, the tiniest tinge of disappointment.

"Nick, I know I said this before, but thank you. I mean, we weren't like a  _thing_ , but you still stood by me."

"I can be a gentleman sometimes," he replied with a small laugh.

_Yes,_ she thought,  _yes you can._

* * *

The journey home in Jess's car had been somewhat strained, but not out of discomfort with each other, but instead because once again the parameters of their relationship had changed – what were they now?

Arriving home, Jess had headed straight to her room. Waves of exhaustion- mental and physical – crashed over her as the events of the previous few days finally took their toll. The realization that she was not pregnant was slowly sinking in as the giddy feeling of earlier subsided, replaced by a more settled state. She was happy - relieved and happy. Now was not the time to be having a child, especially not with someone she wasn't even in a relationship, but still… A small part of her mused over what would have happened – would something have happened between them? Would they have become a couple? He had been so sweet - surprisingly sweet - when she told him. She'd expected a shocked reaction, maybe for him to run away, drown his sorrows in a bottle of alcohol. But he hadn't. At the same time she had another, crazy thought; part of her began to muse over what a child of theirs would look like- dark hair, of course, but would it have his chocolate eyes or her blue ones? Her sunny personality or his grumpy one? Finally, her exhaustion overcame her and she fell asleep, her dreams peppered with thoughts of what may have been.

* * *

As he watched her walk away from him, he shook his head; this morning's events still not fully digested by his brain. Yes, he was relieved; clearly he was not really ready to be a father - he could barely look after himself! But the fact that the possibility he would be had not sent him running for the hills surprised him – Nick Miller who hid his feelings, Nick Miller who never did anything that he didn't know the outcome of – had gotten himself into a situation where he hadn't panicked. Where he hadn't ran way or hid in a bottle of Jack Daniels.

He smirked a little as he prepared a fresh pot of coffee. Yep, he had surprised himself. Anyone else and he would have ran as far as his out of shape body could carry him. But this was…  _Jess._ If he was honest with himself he knew his reactions were all because of her, because she was so… s _pecial._ Yes, that was it, she was special and he had never met anyone like her.

When she had told him, his mind had begun to weave together possible endings for this story – would a child had led to them being together? Being a couple? Yes, these thoughts had crossed his mind, multiple times. He had imagined them buying nursery items together, taking her to appointments, holding her hand…

He shook his head as he poured the coffee; well it was all a moot point right now. She wasn't, and they weren't and he guessed things would go back to normal. Not that he ever thought he could act normal around her.

* * *

Later that evening, Jess was absentmindedly stirring a pot of pasta as she prepared dinner; most of the day she had spent in her room, sleeping, dreaming and thinking. The loft was once again quiet – the time now eight p.m. and her roommates were seemingly otherwise occupied.

Draining the pasta, she tossed a scoop into her bowl and topped it with a serving of marinara sauce and a sprinkling of parmesan. Since she was alone, she decided she was going to watch some TV and eat on the sofa for a change. Shuffling over to the chocolate brown seating, she picked up the remote control and began flicking through the channels as she took small bites of the tangy spaghetti.

"Hey," came Nick's voice from her left, "What are you watching?"

"Oh hey, nothing much," she smiled nervously, "Aren't you working?" she asked. He moved closer to the sofa and stood with his hands on his hips.

"Nah, called in sick, wasn't really feeling up to it today," he explained.

"Yeah, I get that," she nodded slowly, swirling the spaghetti around its bowl, "Hey, want some dinner? There's plenty," she asked, gesturing to the kitchen.

"Sure, thanks," he replied, preparing himself a bowl before moving to join her on the sofa.

Mindlessly she went through the channels, more preoccupied with who was sitting next to her and the day's events rather than what was on the screen. Silence between them was becoming an art form; not uncomfortable but not comfortable at the same time. It was a mix of familiarity and uncertainty, a response to the ever changing nature of what was between them since they first met.

Finishing her pasta, she placed the bowl on the table and swung her legs underneath her, her head resting back on the sofa as she watched a TV chef shout at an employee, reducing them to tears. She felt him shuffle a little in the seat next to her; he seemed as preoccupied as she was.

"Jess," he finally said, "Can we talk?" he asked.

"Sure," She replied, dialling the volume down on the screaming chef as she tilted her body to her right so she could see him better, "What's up?"

"What's up?" he asked with a smile, "Uh, nothing, just that this morning we were facing the possibility of becoming parents…"

"Sorry," she grimaced, "Trying to play it cool," she said as she raised her hands in the air. He twisted his mouth at her response.

"How are you feeling Jess? I mean, we didn't get a chance to talk about it really…"

"I'm-" she began before hesitating, her eyes wandering over his face trying to gauge his own feelings, "I'm relieved I guess?" she said in a half questioning way.

"Me too," he agreed, nodding, "But-"

"But?" she asked, leaning a little closer to him, her arm stretching along the back of the sofa.

"But…" he said a little shyly, "I guess I was getting used to the idea. Crazy I know," he added quickly.

"It's not that crazy," she replied quietly, "I mean, I'd be lying if I hadn't thought about what would happen."

"Can you imagine, you and me - parents?" they both laughed uncomfortably.

In the background, the TV continued to groan away, casting a bright, yellow light across the sofa. The rest of the loft was dark and the two sat quietly, watching the shadows the light created bounce of one another.

"Yeah, crazy idea," she shook her head before continuing, "And of course we would have had to try and make things work between us - for the babies sake."

"Me and you, in a relationship? Could you picture that…" Nick looked up and caught her eye in that moment he saw something, a glint of agreement, acknowledgement even. Did she want that? His heart began to beat a little faster.

"Yeah," she replied, "Now that would be crazy, we're just so – so different…" she added, keeping her eyes fixed on his, slowly biting her lip as she felt something pass over her.

"Completely different," he whispered, leaning closer to her so mere inches separated them. "Jess?"

"Uh-huh," she said breathlessly.

"Can I kiss you?"

Her mouth dropped open and her head tilted, "Uh-" was all she could reply before he closed the distance between them and placed his soft lips against hers, gently at first, only lips touching. The kisses were light, their lips barely grazing each other, until she reached out and sunk her hand into his thick hair. For the first time in weeks she felt at peace, their kiss sending her into a state of contentment, it felt so right, so good, she didn't want it to end.

Lifting his head back a little, he traced the outline of her cheek with his fingers, staring deep into her blue eyes, "I was excited Jess. About something real between us, even a child," she reached across and took hold of his other hand as he began to push strands of hair away from her face, "I know it's crazy but it's how I felt. I wanted something to happen between us since the beginning. It just got so messy and confusing and I didn't know how to tell you."

Smiling, she pulled him in for another, tender kiss, this time tinged with a hint of passion. Finally, she spoke again, "Why don't we start over? We can't pretend none of this ever happened, but we can agree to forget all the dumb things we said and did to each other and maybe give this thing a go."

"You mean like, try… dating?" he asked expectantly.

She nodded, her hand still entwined in his hair, twisting the strands in her fingers, "Maybe if we do things the old fashioned way it'll be different."

A broad grin spread over his face as he pulled her into his lap and nuzzled at her neck. Sighing he stroked her long,thick hair with his one hand, whilst the other settled onto her waist. "Jessica," he said finally, "Would you go on a date with me? Dinner, drinks, fancy clothes, the whole lot."

"You know what Nicholas, I'd love that," she replied, resting her head on his chest.

* * *

**How to start over**

* * *

The evening was unusually still; the only sound the faint chirp of crickets echoing from their hiding places. Nervously, she clicked her heels as she waited for her ride. He'd asked her to meet him at work - said he was backed up and couldn't make it to the loft in time to pick her up and make their reservation. Not an amazing start for a first date. She pulled on a smile as the battered SUV pulled up to the curb; spluttering and rattling like it could stop working at any moment. She wondered how long he could go on driving that piece of junk before he would finally admit defeat and get a new car. Winston had insisted on driving her; he'd given a speech about women getting in cabs alone after dark. She secretly thought he wanted to keep an eye on the two of them.

Unlike Schmidt, he had taken well to the idea of the two trying to date, according to Nick his exact words were 'about damn time'. Their other roommate, however, had not responded quite so well. He insisted that the two of them together would be a huge mistake and that it would ruin the 'loft dynamic'. As she wrenched open the rusting door, she giggled to hersel, remembering his reaction when he had found out; turning beet red, muttering profanities and pouting like a spoilt child. Clearly, he was getting ahead of himself. This was just a date - and a first date at that! Okay, well, maybe not your average first date, given their 'history'.

As she slammed the door shut behind her and fastened the bungee cord that served as a seat belt she saw Winston giving her a wide grin in the rear view mirror, "Jess, don't take this the wrong way - but you are looking fine tonight."

She reached across and squeezed his hand that was on the gear stick, "Aw, thanks Winston." Inside she felt a tickle of giddiness rise up; she obviously had chosen well. A dark blue dress; tight - but not too tight, a little cleavage on show but not too short. Just sexy enough to require a little imagination: not that Nick really needed to use his, she blushed.

Passing through the semi-deserted evening streets she began to tap her foot again against the threadbare carpet of the car's floor. The anxious knot in the pit of her stomach was soothed somewhat by this action - a little distraction from the thoughts currently fighting for prominence in her overcrowded mind. Every possible scenario was running simultaneously: the perfect date, the worst date and everything in-between. All conceivable things that could go wrong had been accounted for and presently stewed inside her in a brew of uncertainty and indecision. The thing was, she knew she liked Nick, she knew she was attracted to him but was that enough? A spark can only grow into a fire if it has enough kindling to fuel it and, well, if she was honest, she wasn't yet certain they did.

Winston had kept silent for the journey, playing the radio softly in the background; her nervousness was clearly obvious - seeping out of her pores like an invisible film of cool sweat, giving off a chemical scent that said 'inside I'm panicking'. He kept his silence until he drew to a halt outside the bar - as he did he pulled down his visor and removed a notebook sized brown envelope, passing it to Jess as she tried to disentangle herself from the bungee cord. "Here, for you," he said simply as she took it from him, giving him a confused look, "Nick just asked me to give it to you," he held up his hands, "That's all I know."

She slid her finger carefully under the gummed seal; inside she found a piece of paper, torn from a composition book. Unfolding it, she saw it was a note written in Nick's lazy scrawl and she began to read:

_Jess,_

_I feel like everything that has happened between you and me has been a bit, well, crazy (not that I regret like 95% of it. I'm sure you know which parts I mean)._   
_Well, I think we need to do a 'reset' - you know like on a computer game when you press down on the red button and wait ten seconds? Anyway, I think I have found our 'reset' button. So, I want to ask you two things:_   
_First - please trust me._   
_Second - go inside and take a seat at the bar._

_Nick x_

"Okay..." she said slowly as she stuffed the note in the envelope.

"You alright?" he asked, worried Nick had blown it already.

Absentmindedly, she hooked her finger in the handle of the door and yanked it open, "Um, yeah, I think so?" she replied, it seemed more of a question than an answer.

"Right... Well, have fun, don't do anything I wouldn't do..." he called after her as she slipped into the velvety darkness of the night and watched her slip into the bar before he drove away.

* * *

Inside Clyde's it was already getting busy; Saturday night was the one night of the week where it was impossible to get a booth if you arrived after nine. Weaving her way through the bustling crowd she finally reached the bar; it was three people deep in places and she had to stand on her tip toes to see over the mass of people. She craned her neck trying to catch a glimpse of Nick when she noticed an untaken stool at the bar. On it was a small piece of cardboard, folded over so it stood up, it read: RESERVED ~ JESSICA DAY. She plucked the card from the seat cautiously, looking around to see if anyone was watching before she slid onto the cool shiny leather. Looking up, she saw Big Bob at the other end of the bar, she was just about to wave and ask where Nick was when she saw him stride over to her; in his hands a glass of rose wine and another brown envelope.

"What-" she started to ask until he placed the two items on the bar and looked her in the eye.

"From Nick, he'll be out soon," he told her, then he stepped away and resumed serving the long line of customers.

Intrigued, she took a sip of the cool, fragrant wine and let it swill around her tongue a little, enjoying the chill it gave her and the feel of it sliding slowly down her throat. After delaying her curiosity a second or two, she ripped into the coarse brown paper - being much less precious on this occasion. Inside was - big surprise - more paper, but this time two sheets. At the top of the first was written, 'READ ME FIRST!', so she did.

_Me again (okay, that's dumb - who else would it be?).  
This whole thing began at the bar, right where you are sitting. Can you remember? I do. I know it was a long time ago. Actually, I think about it a lot. I think about what I could have done differently - what I wish I had done differently._

At that moment, Big Bob slid a plate of chicken wings in front of Jess who looked up in surprise; he simply gave her a side smile and she returned to her reading.

_So this is the plan (hopefully you have the wings by now? If not, Big Bob - you have not repaid me for the plunger incident of April '10) - I want to go back and try and do things a little differently. On the next page I've written a little script, humor me - please? I'll be with you very soon._

_Nick x_

_Oh, and enjoy the wings (no they aren't dinner)_

The confusion and curiosity in Jess's mind reached fever pitch as she sank her teeth into a spicy wing, tearing away the flesh. With her other hand she put the first page to one side and licked her fingers as she turned to the second.

Across the top in large letters was written, 'Enter Nick'. And as if by cue he magically appeared on the other side of the bar from her (okay, so he later admitted he had been watching her from across the room, but this sounded much better when they later recounted the story). She let out a little gasp of surprise; slowly, her mouth moved to form a large 'O' shape as she took in the sight in front of her. Nick Miller, dressed to kill. The first thing she noticed was he had shaved; picking through her memories she couldn't think of a time she had ever seen him like that - looking so damn clean! Yeah, he was always a good looking guy but this was a different kind of handsome. She swallowed the last of her wing as she looked him over: he was wearing a crisp white shirt, black tie and smart slacks that looked just the right kind of tight. She felt a little hot flush and she wasn't entirely sure she could blame it on the wings.

"Um, hi Nick," she stuttered, finally realizing she was staring and needed to say something before he thought she was insane. He didn't reply; instead he gave her lopsided smile - one that hinted at nervousness but also modesty - and pointed at the paper in front.

"Your script," he told her. She was about to protest that this was really dumb when she shook her head, gave small sigh and started reading.

"I'm so crazy, I just can't hide it," she read before pausing and looking up at him, "Nick - I did not say that."

He gave her a little shrug and said, "Close enough -keep going, please?" he looked at her with his soft, puppy dog eyes and she finally nodded for him to continue. "Where would you hide it?" he finished, picking up a bottle of wine from behind the bar and topping up her glass.

She looked back at the paper, "Maybe you should be my rebound? Get all that sexual tension off the table," she smiled as she read - yeah, that clearly worked out well.

"No," came his reply as he calmly placed his palms on the bar. Jess quickly turned over the paper, looking for more 'lines' but they were none.

"No?" she said, tilting her head to one side in a questioning manner.

"No. I don't want to be your rebound," he replied, taking a sip of his own drink as he waited for her to respond. She could see a light sweat forming on his forehead - was he nervous?

"So what do you want?" she asked, not able to think of something more eloquent to say.

"I want to be more than that. I wanna be the guy who gets to watch movies on the couch with you, who wakes up to your face in the morning, the one who gets to fight with you, make up with you..." his voice became quieter as he spoke, leaning into her - not wanting to share this intimate conversation with the barflies who sat around, "And that's all a bit scary and intense..." he continued with small sigh, "And I've probably just freaked you out... So, for now, I'd really like to start by going on a date with ya'."

It took a few moments for his words to sink in; she hadn't expected this at all. Deep down she still felt that creeping uncertainty and distrust that lingered after a break up. Surely, a guy can't be this nice? There must be strings attached? Yet, here he was, saying he wanted something, something real with her. And more than that, he wanted to do it right. She filled her mouth with another sip of the pink wine before she met his expectant gaze and gave him a cheeky smile. "I think - I think that sounds like a pretty great idea," she replied, feeling her smile grow larger as she spoke, before she watched a wave of relief flash over his face: his smile turning brighter, his eyes lighting up at her words.

"Phew," he sighed, raising his eyebrows. Then, he reached beneath the bar and started to pull on a suit jacket - her heart skipped a beat when she saw the full effect. Nick Miller in a suit; all sharp lines and well cut wool. She was amazed how different one man could look dependent on the state of his facial hair and a change of clothes. And all this effort was for her? Rounding the bar until he reached where she sat, he took hold of her hand and helped her down from the stool. "Dinner?" he asked. She nodded coyly and followed him out of the bar.

* * *

Their first date consisted of dinner, drinks and even a little dancing (he said he didn't dance but it was a special occasion so he had made an exception). The conversation had flowed easily between them over the night as they sipped wine and ate fancy Italian food. In fact, time had gone by so quickly that before they knew it several hours had passed though it felt like no time at all.

They took a cab back to the loft; each unsure of how this would work. They had been on a date but had already slept together - what did that mean for the first date rules? They were technically going back to each other's apartments but then, they lived together. It gave her a headache thinking about it so she pushed these thoughts to the back of her mind and lay her head on his shoulder, watching as the street lights zipped by, casting long shadows over his face.

Once home, he had opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer before taking her hand and leading her up to the roof; neither wanting the date to be over yet. They quietly sat on lawn chairs, sipping the beer and watching the city lights sparkle in the distance like a blaze burning far away. Both were deep in contemplation - now that they had been on a date what would happen next? It all seemed so complicated.

She started to tap her heel again against the hard grey concrete of the roof, trying to think of something smart or witty to say to break the tension. In the end it was Nick who spoke first.

"Jessica," he said, her name slipping out in a silky smooth drawl, "This has been by far the best date I've had in a long time. A really long time," he paused as he twisted a little so he could see the outline of her profile against the faint light on the horizon. He watched as thin tendrils of hair were whipped up by the scant breeze and danced around her face before he took a deep breath and continued, "I think this could be the start of something really special."

"Nick, this has been great - really great," she began, still watching the city stretched out in front of her, "And I feel something too... But I'm worried."

He felt his stomach drop to the floor as she spoke, "What are you worried about?" he asked - afraid himself of what her answer might be.

She bit her lip and looked at him feeling all at once a wave of affection and passion that took her by surprise, "I'm afraid it won't work out. I'm afraid it will all go wrong. I mean after Spencer..." he saw little tears form in her eyes - the betrayal several months ago still fresh in her heart, "And I didn't even feel with him...the way I'm feeling now."

All at once he wanted to laugh, smile, kiss her and hold her - tell her everything would be fine, that he would never hurt her. But he knew he couldn't - life had no guarantees like that. Instead, he laid his arm over her shoulder and held her tightly.

"I wish I could tell you that everything will be good, that there will be no bumps in the road - that I won't mess up," he kissed the top of her head lightly and she felt a warm glow spread from that point. "But I can't. I've been hurt, real bad too," he grimaced, "And I wanted to stop trying - 'til I met you."

His hand slid down her arm and he intertwined his fingers with hers, their thighs touching, his body heat chasing away the night chill from her. He raised her hand and began to kiss each knuckle lightly, "What I can promise is that I'm a decent guy and I will try so hard to make you happy, 'cause you're an amazing woman, Jess."

"You're pretty special too," she replied with a small smile.

"Yeah?" he said, surprised.

"Yeah," she echoed, placing a soft kiss on his lips, wrapping her hand around his neck and looking up into his eyes. "I'm scared Nick. But I'm willing to try - if you are."

His reply was to dip his head to it rested against hers, running his thumb over her hand as he paused, "I would love that," he finally told her.

And with that they kissed, a longing, yearning promise of a kiss filled with the optimism of a new beginning and hope for what might be. Hands dug into hair, skin pressed against skin, chests heaved. Finally, they settled into a quiet embrace, leaning against one another in deep contemplation. "Wait, what are we going to do about Schmidt? He's gonna flip a lid when we tell him we're..."

"Dating?" he finished for her.

"Yeah, dating," she copied, rolling it around on her tongue, like an unfamiliar word she was just learning to say.

"He'll get over it. Eventually," he laughed, "Let's just try not to rub it in his face too much." They both laughed a little imagining his reaction to the news.

"So what now?" she asked with a glint in her eye.

"Well, as it's our first date, I guess I should walk you to your door," he replied, giving her a small wink.

"I think that's a plan. Take me home, Miller," she laughed, swinging her arms around his neck as he picked her up in his arms and carried her down the small flight of stairs and back into the loft.

**THE END**

 


End file.
